how to make him open up to me about his past

Relationship Questions and AdviceCategory: Commitmenthow to make him open up to me about his past
Anonymous asked 4 years ago

I want to know how can I make him open up to me to tell me about his past relationship which is broke up almost two years ago but still he is not out of it,he don’t want her back but he is not even ready to forget his past n accept a new person in his life as his future.I have found that his past thing is just know to one person that’s his best friend from his high school I have some how managed to get these friend’s number from a social networking site. Will it be right if I try to contact his friend n find out his past without he being known about it. But I’m not even sure whether his friend would help me rather we don’t have any common friend through whom I can find out about his past I hope u’ll guide me about these n even how shall I help him come out of his past hurt n start his life all again

1 Answers
Tabitha Pratt answered 3 years ago

Hi sweetheart!
I can feel your frustration throughout your question, and would like you to know that we have all been in your shoes, and I am very happy that you posed this issue. Here is a big point that needs to be made; we (females) can never MAKE a male do anything. If we dig deep enough inside of ourselves we will probably find that we want to control the situation in order to protect ourselves from being hurt. Well, BOTH \”control\” and \”protection\” are masculine qualities and we want to steer clear of those (unless there is abuse, or anything immoral, unethical or illegal). I know this places you in a vulnerable space, and this is where your desire to understand the male mind must come into play! You didn\’t explain how you know that he is not over his ex, yet I will side with your intution on this one and ask you why would you want to attach yourself to a male who is not available? In general, we will attach to someone who is just as unavailable as we are. Really take a look at that and see if that resonants with you on any level. Also, what value is he bringing to your life? You seem to be very concerned with him and \”helping\” him, but what about you?? If he stays this way for the rest of his life, could you, and would you deal with it? Please note that healthy masculine males do not want help from a female, and if they do, they will ask for it. Be careful because \”helping\” can also be considered mothering. One more, final key note; MEN NEED PRIVACY! If you crash through his fortress without being invited in, you will only push him further away. This is a big no-no. You are basically telling him through your actions that you do not trust him (is it true that you don\’t trust him? and if so, why do you want to attach yourself with a male who you do not trust?) Attempting to figure out his \”past hurt n start his life all over again\” will put yourself in therapist mode (the rapist) – let him seek professional counseling or male mentors, etc. Keep in mind that giving advice from a female to a male is also considered masculine and may not be taken really well. Most males grow from boys to men when they are able to figure out and conquer their problems, issues, etc. The best that you can do, is really ask yourself the above questions and ask yourself how it feels to YOU to NOT have him be over his ex. If after being honest with yourselr, you find the answer doesn\’t feel good to you, please trust yourself and keep yourself open to other males who may be available and ready. I hope this helps, and please know that I am on this journey with you!