Relationship Questions and AdviceHow do I get back what we had
Anonymous asked 5 years ago

I met a guy on an online site 10 months ago. We had instant attraction and got on well. Initially we had an open relationship but then after about 3 months feelings started to develop and I realized that he did have feelings for me. During the first 3 months we each saw other ppl. Since then I have been faithful to him but he still doesn’t believe that I am. He continually brings up what happened before. We argue a lot and constantly breaking up because he says I lied to him & he can’t trust me. What do I do? I have tried everything but he still finds fault with the most silly things. He is 36 & I am 47. Initially our relationship was just sex until it became complicated & I wanted more. I know he has feelings for me & I love him & don’t want to let him go. He wants to find someone to have a family with but I have already had mine. I am committed to him but we just continue to argue break up then make up. His last relationship was 9 yrs ago & he ended it due to lies. I don’t lie to him but he continues to think that I do which drives me crazy. Please advise & help.

1 Answers
Matthew Coast Staff answered 5 years ago

Hi, thanks for the question.
Your problem is a lot bigger than you probably think it is. In fact, my suggestion is that you let him go and find another person.
Here’s why…
If he wants to have a family and you either can’t or won’t provide him with that, he’s eventually going to leave you. And for the rest of the time you’re in a relationship, he’s going to hold that over your head.
Having a family falls under the category of a deal breaker. It’s something that’s usually very important to one person or the other.
Also, it’s possible that he’s using trust as an excuse to create problems and drama in the relationship. The truth is that he probably does have feelings for you but he knows that you aren’t who he ultimately wants to be with over the long-term (because of the unwillingness to have a family with him).
This is causing a confliction in his mind as to what to do… which is probably why you’re breaking up and getting back together over and over again.
And while there is a way to get this relationship back to where it was before, I suggest that you DO NOT attempt to do that. While it may be what you desire right now, it can ONLY be a short term solution.
Because you can’t fulfill his long-term desires. He has to find that somewhere else. If you stay with this man, he’s eventually going to cheat on you and leave you for someone who is willing to have a family with him.
I’m not a psychic but I’d bet everything I own on it. So please, for your sake and his, let him go and find someone else. It’s the best for both of you.