His relocation and what I should do about it

Relationship Questions and AdviceCategory: CommitmentHis relocation and what I should do about it
millionmilestoguernsey asked 1 year ago

TL:DR – My Hubby has got himself a job in the Channel Islands, has gone there and wants me to go there asap. I said I’d go … in 9 months time. Not pregnant just feel like I have commitments here that I can’t leave behind right now. He doesn’t get it and I’m getting tired of repeating myself. Also, my husband doesn’t have the greatest  track record of keeping jobs.
I am in desperate need of some advice. My husband and I have been together for 14 years (married for 5 next year) We’ve had multiple ups and downs but there’s one story that needs to be told to give context to my indecision.
About 6 years ago he got a job in a county about 2 and a half hours drive away from the town both our families live in. The 6 months prior to this event had been very hard for me – my Mum had Cancer. I spent every chemo appointment at the hospital with her and was there whenever she needed me. As neither of us drive I was quite apprehensive about moving so far away, I knew my Mum wouldn’t be up to driving up to see me for a while (I saw her weekly before her Chemo) and the thought of not seeing her all the time was quite awful for me. However, as I had made a commitment to himself I agreed to make the move.
I hated it. I hated the new place I lived, I hated the people I lived near, I had even less social contact than I did before I moved. No matter how hard I tried I couldn’t get along in this new area. Then, mere weeks after my Mum got the all clear my Dad was diagnosed with Terminal Cancer. My Dad and I never had the greatest relationship, we didn’t see a lot of each other after he and my Mum split up. I only saw him two or three times between his diagnosis and the day he died due to him living so far away.He died 2 months before my hubby and I got married.
Things got a bit better once I got myself a job. I made some friends and loved going to work. It gave me a real sense of self. Unfortunately my hubby is the jealous type and hated the idea of me going out with my work friends. As his wife I agreed and then I had no choice but to not go out. My husband lost his job leaving me and my pittance being the one keeping us up there. I was sure he’d get another job so I said we should stay put – the area we were in seemed like the best place for him to find more work. Eventually things went wrong. I fell behind on the rent and there were murmurs at work that the temps were all going to be let go so we had to move back to our home town. Once we’d got ourselves somewhere to live we carried on quite happily for a while on the dole, just the two of us, occasionally socializing with our neighours, once in a while getting into work. He got a job which he lost with a fortnight – he told me that the woman who ran the company was threatened by his skills (something which I still believe) then I got my current job. 
Without going into too many details my job is very weather dependent. We are much much busier in the winter than the summer (this is important to the overall story). I started in January and got a lift with a male colleague something that caused a lot of friction in our marriage. After three months the lifts had to stop as my hubby was very threatened by him (for no reason at all tbh, my colleague is a nice guy, with a wife and a kid he his v devoted to). A few months later I was offered what was essentially a promotion, moved into a smaller team with more responsibility and a small payrise which I took without hesitation. I really liked my job and I love it even more now.
So now we come to the crux of the matter. I have this job, which I love. I work with two very good female friends and (sounding v Game of Thrones ish) Winter is coming. I wasn’t kidding when I said it was our busiest time of year and there is literally no one else in my workplace who could replace me at such short notice. You need a certain … temperament to work in my office, and none of the other girls or guys who work there have it. Plus it’s taken me near six months to learn everything I needed to know to be a competent member of the team. My job is v complicated I just can’t leave them right now but a lot can change in 9 months time. We may find a temp who they can employ permanently who can take over from me. Summer is also much quieter for us so is therefore a much more sensible time of the year to be training new people.  
Plus, my Mum has just recently gotten over her second round of Cancer. Given that and the fact I barely saw my Dad for years before he died I am just not willing to leave the immediate area whilst my Mum is still here. I really regret the years I didn’t see my Dad and I don’t want to miss out on any moments with my Mum.
Finally, I don’t entirely trust my husband to keep his job. The two I mentioned in this thread are not the only ones he’s had in the time we’ve been together and apart from the one that we moved for, he hasn’t managed to stay in a job for longer than six months. I on the other hand, have only left jobs because we’ve had to move because either he’s not managed to get a job or he’s found one away from where we live. Maybe I sound like I’m being unfair to him but I’ve always supported him and now wish that he would support me in my wish to stay for the time being. We don’t have kids so that’s not an issue (although we do want some and are getting towards the time it will be hard to get one) and I’ve pointed out to him on multiple occasions that lots of couples live apart for a while but he’s not interested. When we were discussing me staying here he accused me of wanting to stay so I could cheat on him and dump him, a thought that’s not on my radar at all. 
So yeah, I need help explaining to him that I’m doing this for us. I feel like he’s become too dependent on me. He refuses to socialize with anyone apart from me and still sulks like a child if I say I want to go out with my work mates for a meal. I just want him to show me that he can cope without me for 9 months (not that it will be completely without me, internet and visits are all sorted) and keep his job before I give up everything I’ve achieved here and go somewhere that tbh, I’ll be lucky to see my aging Mum twice a year. I just want some give and take.