Ruby asked 3 years ago

My boyfriend and I broke up and six months later we started seeing each other again. I assumed he wanted to get back together with me because he said he missed me. We started having sexual relations but he never said he wanted to get back together. I was too afraid to ask but I would tell him I loved him. He said he loved me back. But months went by and he never asked me to get back together so I began to wonder if he just saw me as a friend with benefits. Then when he finally told me he could not see me anymore because he needed to work on himself I felt confused. I send him angry texts telling him that he hurt me and how he made me feel like all he wanted was sex. I’m confused because he said he missed me and loved me. How do I get him back and want to commit? Should I apologize for sending him those angry texts or should I just give him space for a while?

1 Answers
Tabitha Pratt answered 3 years ago

Hi Ruby!
Trust yourself here! You were definitely used for ” sexual relations”. Boo! On one hand this really sucks and on the other hand, this is a great opportunity to grow and learn. Everyone makes mistakes, and life is about learning and growing, AND, we want to avoid this mistake in the future AT ALL COSTS.  
I know that you have feelings for him, you love him, and you are certainly attached to him. Please know that males do not function exactly the same way as females when it comes to sex and bonding. He may love you and miss you although you certainly deserve more. You must show him that you deserve more with your ACTIONS and not so much your words. You can definitely tell him that you no longer feel good being a friend with benefits and you will hold off having sex with him, or anyone for that matter unless you have a commitment.
Remember to keep the focus on yourself and your own feelings and don’t accuse him of using you or attack his character. He is not a bad guy, he is simply taking what you keep offering and getting it for very little investment on his part. Unfortunately you are encouraging his laziness and getting hurt in the meantimes. This situation is a lose-lose!
 Oh yes, that ACTION part that I mentioned above? You must stop sleeping with him immediately and stop all sexual contact. After you tell him that you are looking for commitment, you must resist all of his future sexual advances. 
Its best to let go and let grow with this one! Give him space and then turn away! Do something that makes you happy! Go out with other guys! Have fun!
If he wants you, he must give to you first. In this case, commitment.