Did he using me?

Anonymous asked 5 years ago

Hi Matthew. So I took your advice and dumped the guy who just wanted “friends with benefits” as I found out he’d got his ex pregnant. I met a new guy about 5wks ago and since dumping the fore mentioned loser I decided to let it progress. He seemed nice, not the type I usually go for, he’s level headed, has a job, sweet and a bit more serious but still funny. Anyway we were texting and saw each other a couple of times then we got intimate and slept together. Since then I have messaged him twice and have been ignored, no response whatsoever. It’s only been 2 days but I’m starting to think that he just used me and after reading your “make him fall in love with you” which I bought online I don’t want to put pressure on him but I just want to know why he’s ignoring me. Any ideas would be greatfully received, thank you.

1 Answers
Matthew Coast Staff answered 5 years ago

Hi Unsure,
Thanks for the question. I don’t know whether he’s going to contact you again or not. But there are some things that I think you need to know before going out on another date.
It may mean something special to you if you sleep with a guy. To a lot of guys, it doesn’t mean anything at all. It doesn’t mean that he wants to commit to you. It doesn’t mean that you’re in a relationship together. It doesn’t mean that he needs to call you again.
It just doesn’t mean those things to a lot of men. While this may feel to you like you’re being used, he just feels like the two of you had a good time together. Nothing more.
A man may be seeing a whole bunch of different people right now if he’s single. He’s just going through these dates making as many good impressions as he can and having as much fun as he can. He may have had a good night with another woman as well.
While this may be frustrating to you, there are things that you can do in order to dramatically increase the odds of a guy calling you after sex. I talk a lot about this and other things in my Will He Call After Sex program, but let me give you a few tips if you’re looking for something more long-term:
1. Find out before you sleep with him whether he’s looking for the same thing you’re looking for or not.
Some women don’t want to do this because they’re afraid that talking about that will make a man disappear. If a guy disappears because you’ve expressed that you’re looking for something long term and asked him about what he wants, that’s a good thing. You’re screening out men who don’t fit what you want.
2. If you want a guy to call you after you’ve been intimate with you, let him know that you’d like him contact you in some way because its meaningful to you.
Guys don’t have the same feelings as a lot of women do after sex. In fact, there’s a good chance that a guy will want a little space after intimacy with you. While it’s important to recognize this and respect it, it’s also important to express what you want that way there’s no confusion on his part.
3. Give him the space to make the next move.
If you invited the next move by asking him to contact you after you slept with him, it’s important to give him that space. A lot of guys think women “get weird” after sex. While this is just a big misunderstanding of their part, it’s good not to fall into that category by texting him a bunch of times or getting super clingy on him.
I know this can be hard but give him some space. He’s either talking you up in his mind or he’s talking you down. If you give him some space, he has room to talk you up and fantasize about how great it was to be with you.
4. Allow him to invest in you.
One of the things I talk about in my Commitment Connection program is that men don’t commit to a woman because of how much she puts into a relationship or how she feels about him and being together.
A man commits to a relationship because of how invested he is in it. If a guy isn’t showing that he’s investing in the two of you being together, that’s a problem.
And I don’t mean monetary investment. I mean, how much energy does he invest in you? Does he plan things and give you a great time? Or is he sitting back and letting you run the show?
It’s important to let a man invest in you and allow a man to invest in you. A lot of women make the mistake of being the social planner of his dating world and then wonder why he doesn’t stay.
He doesn’t feel like he’s put anything towards being together with you. And if you don’t allow him to invest by refusing to receive gifts, not allowing him to plan the date, etc… he’s not going to feel like there’s room for him in the relationship you’ve created.
My suggest for you right now is to just lean back, take a deep breath in and relax. He’s either going to call you or he’s not. And at this point, it doesn’t help to do anything but allow him to decide on his own.