can you help me have the love of my life back?

Relationship Questions and AdviceCategory: Get My Ex Backcan you help me have the love of my life back?
Lucia asked 3 years ago

Hi, Matthew.   I’ve bought two of your programs (“Make him want you” and “Breakup remedy”) that I find really interesting. Now I do need your personalized advice, if at all possible. First of all, please apologize my mistakes, if you find some,  as I think you will. 😀 I’ve been seeing a “10-year-younger-than-me” guy, for almost a year. I’m deeply sure he is “the one”. He definitely is my soul mate. We ARE meant to be together, just like a unique soul, as we actually are. We are (still) so deeply connected that he can feel, in a magical way, my strong support for example when he runs a marathon or swims or trains for his iroman sessions. He “calls” me, I “feel” him calling and I “answer” his need of “help”. That simple. I was about to divorce when I met him and he’s been such a strong, loving, caring and patient guide throughout the process I’ve fallen in love with him in a very deep way. He too was truly smitten with me; he introduced me to his sister (whose newborn daughter I fell in love with) and to his closest friends. He strongly wanted to meet my mother and my own family and asked me many times to let him make acquaintance of my kids (but this I didn’t…). We really were (are? I am, anyway!) in love with each other. But… Last summer he suddenly disappeared just because, he told, he was not sure any more that our relationship could be the one we’d dreamt about. He was afraid we couldn’t actually build that beautiful life we had been planning together for several months. I implored him to come back to me; I kept on writing poetries, letters, notes, send him songs, just  as I was used to do when we were happy together and when he was so fond of me. I tried to remind him of his own feelings and the many little “nice” things we did together, all of our plannings and dreams and how deep our love was … nothing really seemed to work. Until, a couple of months later, he decided to come back, begging me to forgive his lack of courage and his fragility. I tried to figure out if he was true and how deep his feeling of commitment was. He was so passionate that he convinced me quite easily. We’ve lived beautiful months later on, but soon I started to have some weird gut sensations, as if he were cheating on me. I did awful things, such as starting checking his phone and chasing him on social networks… I became strongly jealous (I must admit that I owe this lack of trust to my ex-husband who has been cheating for the last 15 years of our marriage). At the end of October I decided to stop our relationship. I could not stand that feeling any longer. Though he was angry for my behavior, he desperately supplicated me to not leave him, but I thought that was the best thing to do, for he could have been free from such a “complicated” woman as I am and I could have released myself from that pain.  I’ve not been so determined, in the end, though, for I got back with him, convinced by his loving words and his so caring and passionate behave, once again. But that gut feeling could not leave my heart… I was obsessed, and started to be a pain myself, until he decided, on January 2nd, to give up on me: he was so angry this time he literally pushed me away from his house (our “refuge” as we called it). As of then, I’m trying to understand if there’s something I can do to have him back. I know he loves me, at least as much as I love him. After the breakup, he’s continued to let himself “alive” in some way. He’s replied to one of my emails stating that no matter how hard the situation is, I will always be a very special person to him, the best he has ever met in his life. He sent me flowers for my birthday, posted nice comments and songs on FB (our significant ones), sent me his wishes for Easter, put his “like” on some meaningful pics I posted on Instagram…  Some little stupid things that are definitely leaving me way more than confused. Encouraged a bit by  this kind of (I thought positive) signals, I’ve sent him a warm whatsapp, a few days ago, including the image of one of his latest messages (before the breakup, obviously) where he declared to be devoted, smitten and convinced he would have fight to keep our love safe and alive forever. To my message he simply replied with two icons: a crying face and a heart. I tried then to call him on the phone to understand the meaning of it (we hadn’t talked since the night he left me in January). He didn’t reply. He just wrote he was working and was on a call (though it was Saturday, I know it may happen). I apologized, he replied:  “No, please Lu, don’t… we will get in touch as soon as I can… Please be serene!” adding a heart icon. Since then,  no signs at all, not even one of those stupid likes on FB or on Instagram. I really don’t know what to think. Immediately after this last exchange of messages, I’ve bought your “Breakup Remedy” and I’m following your advices: I’ve cancelled pics, messages, emails. I’m trying hard to not follow him on his FB profile (I’ve still not cancelled him from the list of my friends, just cancelled his friends, long ago). I’ve started to exercise, found a hobby, I’m trying to convince myself to go out with my friends and not speak about him anymore. But it’s far more than difficult! It’s impossible for me to forget him. And frankly speaking I do not want to forget him. I just want to get him back! I’ve wept my heart out, I miss him in a way I could not even think it was possible. Though, I’m not the kind of woman who gives up. I’m used to fight, above all for the things I’m passionate about. I’m ready to get through any difficulties if this may help me reach my goal. And my only aspiration, now, is having him back. I do apologize for this long message, I hope you can help me figure everything out and give me advice to have him in my life once again. Thank you, from the deep of my heart. Lucia

1 Answers
Matthew Coast Staff answered 3 years ago

Hey Lucia,   I know it hurts but you’re doing well. Just keep on going. Your best best to get him back is to cut off communication for awhile and build yourself back up.   The truth is that you made a mistake… you got a little crazy, he ran off and now you’re stuck feeling hopeless.   I don’t know if you’ll be able to get him back or not. What I do know is that you’ll have a better chance of getting him back if you lean back, do what I talk about in the Breakup Remedy program and let him come back to you if that’s what he decides to do.   Until then, just keep faith in yourself, be strong, and build your life and identity back up so that he sees you’ve moved on, created a great life for yourself and wants to be a part of it.   Good luck Lucia, I have faith in you. Keep going!