Anxious Husband Lashes out Emotionally

Relationship Questions and AdviceCategory: QuestionsAnxious Husband Lashes out Emotionally
Megan asked 2 years ago

I need advice. My husband has always been an inflexible and pretty anxious person. Throughout our (10) year relationship, he has been slowly and steadily working on this. He is making progress and even pushes himself sometimes…. BUT My husband also has the tendency to lash out when anxious and minimizes any lashing out or emotional damage he does in those situations. When possible, I stay out of his way until he calms down, but there are many times when this isn’t possible. We have toddler twins which require collaboration but also cause all kinds of upset and require flexibility. Additionally, we share the same profession and he will occasionally ask for my help or my opinion. 
Tonight, he asked me to help him review his presentation for an interview. It is the perfect storm of anxiety and inflexibility. We went through the presentation and any snag we hit (by his assertion) was followed by anger and indirectly blaming the problem on me.  Frankly it was like he was throwing a tantrum that it wasn’t done yet. He wanted a magic wand to just fix everything without any work from him. 
If I tell him that I can’t help in these situations, he gets incredibly hurt and angry. If left to his own devices, he self-sabotages and then is exponentially more angry afterwards. I know he is using me as a crutch, but our futures are tied and I want him to get this good job (which he would be good at without my help once he got there)
For the first time ever, he decided to sleep on the couch. We never had an out and out fight and he mostly seemed panicked. I reminded him that he can’t treat me terribly just because he is anxious and especially when I’m just trying to help him and that made him even more mad. 
I just don’t know what to do. I feel backed into a corner. If I had a formula to handle this situation, I would happily follow it. Somehow I always leave feeling emotionally battered, when he is the one who started out upset. He says he doesn’t know what he needs me to do and I’m at a loss. Are there books we can read? Activities we can do? Ways to better help him?