I hear this a lot and sometimes I wonder how many times dating coaches repeat the lesson as well…
“It’s too late. You messed that relationship up…it’s best you just move on with your life and find somebody else.”
That’s something you hear a lot, read a lot, and probably get from even your closest friends. And I can say from experience, it hurts a lot to hear something like that when you’re still in love with your ex, or your crush.
Usually what happens is that the guy you like starts chasing you, then you fall for him, and then you start chasing him, in a sense. Over time, he loses interest and wants his independence back. You’re not sure what went wrong, but his entire attitude changed!
So is it true? Is there such a thing as wearing out your welcome and destroying the intimacy of a relationship beyond all repair?
Well, of course there is. I mean, let’s be honest. If a relationship consists of fighting, screaming, physical abuse, gaslighting, and plotting to kill each other, that one’s a goner!
But, at the same time, I do think the expression “Just forget him and move on” is used way too much. Worst of all, it’s used for relationships that are not necessarily unhealthy, nor are they unsalvageable.
Sometimes people are too quick to say, “Forget him, you deserve better…” without remembering the simple fact that your heart loves who it loves. You know what you want. You still love HIM. The relationship was not toxic. You both just made some mistakes. And ideally, you want him back, you want that relationship to be saved.
And as for the whole “Just move on” thing, it’s actually a pretty bad idea to date a guy that you don’t love, don’t want to try to love, and are just using to forget your ex.
If you really want your ex back (or even your crush that lost interest in you) then YES, I do believe there is a way to win him back – even if you did the chasing, and he backed away. You can make him chase you again and here’s how to do it.
1. Give him the gift of confusion!
Maybe you’ve heard of the “gift of missing you” before. But let’s take it a step further and say, in this specific case, the gift of confusion is something that’s really going to make him crazy – and in a good way. If you’ve chased a guy and then he backed away (whether a relationship started or not) then don’t give him the gift of forgiveness or comfort or safety.
Give him the gift of confusion by backing away just the same – and NOT explaining it. Not acknowledging it. Just matching his energy and then seeing what he does about it.
Usually, what happens is that he gets confused, concerned, and then chases you again, making sure there’s still a mutual attraction. That brings us to the next point…
2. Project more mystery, less motherly care.
It’s no coincidence he seems more intrigued when you’re mysterious, not so transparent, and giving off that vibe like “What is going on in her mind?” It’s the kind of thing that’s so simple and yet it can drive a man crazy. He will start to analyze the signs that you like him, but continue to be perplexed at why you always hide information, choose not to share stories, and frankly, keep him guessing.
It’s not really playing mind games – it’s just making him work harder for that level of intimacy and honesty. A lot of guys will get bored of a relationship when a woman confides everything within a few weeks (including sex). That’s why long-term relationships require long-term courting! (Hey, they should make a meme out of that)
3. Be less available and have the “stock price” of your life soar.
One way to naturally project more mystery is to simply be less available all the time. If you started chasing him and then killed his interest in the relationship, it’s time to STOP doing what you were doing and go in reverse. Namely, stop being there for him and get busy doing other things that you always wanted to do.
Think of it this way. Pretend like you broke up with him but are still friends. That’s the distance you need to show him that the dynamic has changed. You’re not bitter, you’re not overly sensitive. You have feelings for him as a friend but the romance has passed by now.
Something funny will start to happen. He will sense you’re too busy to chase him anymore and this will pique his interest. You might say, your “stock will rise” again in his mind. Your social value increases and he now regrets that he doesn’t have ALL of you, the way he did before.
That means he’s back to square one and he will miss the romance that he took for granted. He will want it back and that’s part of the attraction. But that’s not all…
4. Create a life worth chasing – and sing about it.
To further pull him back at an almost magnetic level, it’s time to make your LIFE more attractive, in addition to the idea of a romance. It’s true and sometimes sad…but men DO fall in love with a woman’s personality and the LIFE she has created for herself.
That’s why men are always going to go after women who do good things, help people in need, are kind to family and friends, have an exciting career, have amazing hobbies and artistic skills, and that sort of thing.
Your personality is partly shaped by the things you do and the stuff you find interesting. He gets a sense of your entire life by the things you talk about, the thoughts that go through your mind, and yes, the ACTIONS you take to create the life you’re happy with. Improving your life is the best way to get a man to chase you, as he realizes you are not just compatible – but someone truly out of the ordinary.
5. You don’t want his lust…you want him to realize he needs you in his life.
Finally, don’t underestimate what actually gets men chasing men – beyond beauty and the superficial things in life.
People very much exaggerate how important lust is to a man. Sure, men look and fantasize and so on. But men are actually far more likely to chase something they are MISSING IN LIFE, that’s beyond sex.
Men don’t value sex a great deal because they know they can get it if they want it. But what makes a man chase a woman and actually want to get married is to fulfill a need that he has, that no one else can give him.
Someone that can understand him, someone he can confide in, and someone that brings balance and clarity to the things he wants in life. That’s fulfilling a complicated need, a family dynamic that’s beyond lust. Give him a relationship – a FEELING – to chase and he will chase you until the very end!
This makes him see you as the One Special Woman in his life…
If you’re struggling with a man who plays “hot and cold,” is slipping away, or taking you for granted…
And you want him to see you as “the one special woman” in his life…
Then you’re probably missing this one strange secret…
This one thing makes a man feel an irresistible desire to pursue you…
…invest in you…
…fight for you…
…and move mountains to please you and be with you.
If you’re ready to finally be seen and cherished by the man you choose, you may just need to just do or say one thing differently.
P.S. Even if a man is pulling away, ignoring you, or taking you for granted…
You can completely change the way he sees you and make him yours with this one little secret…