Should I still abundance date?

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Phuong Nguyen

Guest
I met my guy #1 online 6 weeks ago, 3 weeks via video chats due to lockdown, next 2 weeks met 3 times in person, and this week he's away visiting his parents (we still connect everyday via texts and video chats at night).

He has been doing all the right thing: available, investing, talked about deep stuff with you (eg. views about kids), told me he's looking for a relationship, told me I'm the only one he's talking to, told me he's got deep attraction to me.

But he has not yet proposed to be in a relationship.

Following your advice I do abundance date. I am talking to guy #2 who i met before my guy #1. I had determined after a first video date with him that he was not exactly what i wanted. He's not a bad option.

I feel bad as i feel like I'm "hanging" guy #2 on the line. My heart fully belongs to guy #1. I also feel bad with guy #1 because i am confident that he's not abundance dating.

Would he think that I'm cheating if he found out that I'm still chatting to guy #2?

How can i not feel bad from all angles?

Is there another good way to gain power without having to do abundance date?

Thanks so much Matt. I'm in Sydney Australia so I'm not able to go on your livestream to ask questions. I'll be sure to watch your video afterward.
 

MatthewCoast

Administrator
Staff member
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Aug 14, 2021
Messages
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I met my guy #1 online 6 weeks ago, 3 weeks via video chats due to lockdown, next 2 weeks met 3 times in person, and this week he's away visiting his parents (we still connect everyday via texts and video chats at night).

He has been doing all the right thing: available, investing, talked about deep stuff with you (eg. views about kids), told me he's looking for a relationship, told me I'm the only one he's talking to, told me he's got deep attraction to me.

But he has not yet proposed to be in a relationship.

Have you had sex yet? If not, that's when YOU start bringing it up.

Is it better if the guy brings up that he wants a relationship with you?

Yes.

But if he doesn't, that's YOUR department, not his. It's in your best interest that you're not sleeping with a guy outside of a relationship (or exclusivity at the very least).

When he tries to get physical, that's when you bring it up.

Following your advice I do abundance date. I am talking to guy #2 who i met before my guy #1. I had determined after a first video date with him that he was not exactly what i wanted. He's not a bad option.

If you don't like him that much, let go of him and only date guys who you're sure about.

I feel bad as i feel like I'm "hanging" guy #2 on the line. My heart fully belongs to guy #1.

Don't allow your heart to belong to someone who hasn't claimed it and hasn't given you his.

I also feel bad with guy #1 because i am confident that he's not abundance dating.

That's not your fault. He needs to make sure he's in abundance... but it's better for you if he isn't.

Would he think that I'm cheating if he found out that I'm still chatting to guy #2?

Are you having sex together? Do you have an exclusivity agreement?

If not, it's none of his business what you're doing.

And if he wants to know, bring up the exclusivity/relationship agreement.

How can i not feel bad from all angles?

Stop allowing yourself to feel bad. Change the meaning you're giving these events.

You're making sure you get yourself into a good situation. If guy #1 wants you all to himself, he needs to make that crystal clear.

Stop assuming you know what's going on with him. If he wants it, he needs to claim it.

Is there another good way to gain power without having to do abundance date?

You're in a great situation.

My suggestion is that you find a least two more guys who want you as well and keep dating like this until one of them makes a relationship agreement.

Stop beating yourself up about it and stop feeling bad for taking care of yourself and putting yourself into the best position possible.

You should be proud of yourself.

And read my abundance dating article when you get a chance - https://commitmentconnection.com/community/threads/abundance-dating-an-abundance-of-options.94/

Thanks so much Matt. I'm in Sydney Australia so I'm not able to go on your livestream to ask questions. I'll be sure to watch your video afterward.

You're welcome!
 
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