How do I let a guy down easily?

Kelly

Newbie Queen
Joined
Sep 1, 2021
Messages
6
Oh dear. I made a poor decision. **this will be important going forward—I have an incredibly hard time placing boundaries and being direct in fear of hurting peoples feelings. Working on it**

My friend and I had drinks one night since I had just moved back into my hometown a few months ago after an absolute heart wrenching and devastating break up and finally started feeling ready to see more friends. But I am not over my ex..at all. I’m still processing it, wanting him back, and trying to get over it all at once. So anyway, We were having drinks..a lot of them. Just talking and catching up, very casual. I don’t know how it happened but one thing led to another and we hooked up. After it happened I knew it was a bad choice. I was panicking. I felt guilty. I regretted it.

But for days after, things were normal and fine as they’ve always been when he would text me. Today was just a lot. He had 2 friends pass away and went to the services today. Hard day. So he called me and was crying. I listened and offered support and got his mind off things. Not a big deal for me to do that because we’re good friends.

Then things..escalated. And mind you I don’t really love talking on the phone. I’m a texter so I can just think my thoughts fully and type. So this evening the conversations moved beyond the norm.

Some examples..he said he wanted to move down south but asked if I would ever want to move there too. I said well..no. (Because I don’t and I have discussed that I want to move to the west coast ASAP again. Also it made me feel weird he would ask me that.) then he asked me to dinner. I was on the spot. And I’m too nice to kick a person when they’re down. But I’m actually sick and waiting on covid results so I said well maybe? I’m still waiting on my covid results. Then he asked me my favorite band of all time. So I told him. He followed with I saw theyre playing in December. Do you want to go with me? (December is a far way out kind of) so I said ya know December is a bit far down the road. I’m not really sure if I’ll even be here by then. After that he kind of gave me an attitude?? He said “you’re not going to wait until after the holidays? What about your family?” I was put off because he doesn’t understand my family dynamics and what the situation is. So I just said well theres planes? 🤷🏻‍♀️ So the conversation moves on and I try to just get off the phone at this point because it was too much for me right now. As we’re hanging up he says again “ok let me know about dinner on Tuesday!”

what do I do? I realize I made very large mistakes by not immediately being direct. I also thought that one drunken hook up wouldn’t lead to this. I also didn’t want to break the news and tell him I’m not interested on a day like today because I’m just not an asshole like that. AND I don’t even want to try to date again after everything with my ex. It seems exhausting to start over AGAIN with someone. (This friend even knows that) i also realize it was stupid to assume we were on the same page if it was just never discussed anyway. So my mistake. So many large mistakes. I feel stupid and like a bad person but I need some advice on how to let this guy down easy. I don’t want to lose him as a friend because we’re good friends but I don’t want to lead him on either..because I’ve clearly done that enough by trying to be polite. Any help or suggestions would be appreciated
 

MatthewCoast

Administrator
Staff member
Joined
Aug 14, 2021
Messages
90
Yeah, you just need to be direct and let him know, in no uncertain terms that you're not interested.

Stop worry about being an ahole, he's using the day to try to make moves on you... you can use it to reject him.

You're so worried about being nice that you're leading him on instead of letting him down.

He doesn't want to be your friend and he'll probably pursue this forever... imagine being friends with someone who really like or have fallen in love with and then watching them go through life, maybe dating other people and not wanting to be with you.

That's the situation he's in with you right now. He finally had the courage to try to make something seem more romantic.

Most guys will do this for years without saying anything and then, one day, they'll pop up like, "hey, I'm interested" but they've been interested the whole time, just scared of being rejected by you.

So you need to stop worrying about letting him down easy or keeping him as a friend and you need to be straight up and honest with him.

I talk about how to breakup with someone here...


I know the video says "break up with your boyfriend" but you can do it with a guy who isn't your boyfriend too... you just need to make sure you say it and frame it the way I talk about in the video (it's a really old video that I made when I first started doing videos).
 
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