How do I get over this toxic relationship I had?

Heaven

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Joined
Sep 23, 2021
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3
I need help. I thought I could answer other people's questions, but I can't even help myself. My boyfriend has dumped me for the third time in the last few years, except this time it only took him two months after we got back together. If I don't do something right, according to him, he gets mean and leaves me. I'm so in love with him, but I know that this is a very toxic relationship and he has control. How,in the world, do I just let him go, knowing it would be best for me. I'm in such pain, again. I did nothing wrong. I swear. He took advantage of me, I believe, after my husband passed away, and I was vulnerable. What should I do? I would appreciate any advice.
 

Lory

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Joined
Sep 30, 2021
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1
Heaven, I recommend you seek out a relationship therapist to help you see why you keep returning to this kind of abusive treatment. For someone to take advantage of your vulnerabilities after your husband passed away is what I call Pond Scum Man. Nobody gets lower than that. A therapist along with Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) will help a lot. I went to two therapists years ago and they worked wonders with me. Good luck.
 

Tkneebone

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Sep 30, 2021
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2
I wish I had the answer cuz I’m going through the same thing I want to be done with my ex but I still love him if I knew how to just unlove him I would
 

Janis

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Joined
Sep 23, 2021
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2
Oh gosh, let him go! Having nobody is better than what you have been putting up with!!!! Start standing up for yourself, go out with girl friends and start getting your self esteem back and you will start to attract better men!
 

Juju1972

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Joined
Sep 30, 2021
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1
I’ve been there for two long years. Here’s what I’m learning…it’s not really that I lost him it’s that I lost period. He chose someone else so I spent so much time begging him to stay giving him chance after chance even though I knew he’s go right back to her. I loved him so much I would have done anything for him, that’s where I lost me. We have to love ourselves and know that sometimes losing that toxic person is winning yourself worth. It’s hard, no is harder than hard, but one day you will see that when you saw a dozen red roses…they weren’t roses at all they were red flags. Side note…the second you walk away … he will want you back but just keep on walking…
 

Nats

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Joined
Sep 30, 2021
Messages
6
Loving someone isn’t enough.

I’ve loved my fair share of scum bags. Deeply.

But there came a point where I asked myself if what I was experiencing would be good enough for my daughter? Absolutely not! I would expect more for her.

Why not myself? If she told me she was in love with a man who dumped her all the time, I would say “so?!”.

A partner is a person who supports you, who you experience life with, who you grow with. They’re your best friend. If you wouldn’t accept this behaviour from a friend or colleague, why the man in your life? He doesn’t deserve extra privileges just because you love him. He’s not providing his half of the deal which is to support you snd take care of you. Whileever you are with this man who makes you feel so bad, you’re blocking yourself off to meeting someone better.

I have ended relationships like this in the past, and the best thing to do with a manipulator is to cut all contact. Otherwise this will go on for months. Trust me I know. You know that you want to end things with him, so do it. Have a quick conversation with him, a “I don’t want to live like this anymore, our relationship is unhealthy for me, and I’m ending it.” And then block his number. Don’t answer the door when he comes over. Block block block. Go cold turkey. If will hurt and feel rubbish but after 2 weeks, the light of day will start to shine! Make sure you have a plan for your time so that you are busy and with nice people, it will make it much better. Maybe even start a new course like dancing or art for fun.

I really wish you the best. Know that this misery can end, but the power is in your hands. Step up and be brave. We believe in you xx
 

Been there

Newbie Queen
Joined
Sep 30, 2021
Messages
6
I need help. I thought I could answer other people's questions, but I can't even help myself. My boyfriend has dumped me for the third time in the last few years, except this time it only took him two months after we got back together. If I don't do something right, according to him, he gets mean and leaves me. I'm so in love with him, but I know that this is a very toxic relationship and he has control. How,in the world, do I just let him go, knowing it would be best for me. I'm in such pain, again. I did nothing wrong. I swear. He took advantage of me, I believe, after my husband passed away, and I was vulnerable. What should I do? I would appreciate any advice.
I have been married for over 25 yrs. Sadly, I went through the same thing. This is how I solved. My situation. I realized, being ALONE. Is 💯% better than. Dealing with a toxic relationship. We were codependent. It, took months but I'm ready to have fun. I won't rush into a another relationship. Try to enjoy your self.
 

Heaven

Newbie Queen
Joined
Sep 23, 2021
Messages
3
Heaven, I recommend you seek out a relationship therapist to help you see why you keep returning to this kind of abusive treatment. For someone to take advantage of your vulnerabilities after your husband passed away is what I call Pond Scum Man. Nobody gets lower than that. A therapist along with Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) will help a lot. I went to two therapists years ago and they worked wonders with me. Good luck.
I WILL seek some help. Thank you.
 

MangoTango

Newbie Queen
Joined
Sep 30, 2021
Messages
8
Oh dear, honey......u have to leave him. I've been in the same situation with my ex before and once you're out of it, trust me you will regret not doing it sooner. Cut him out of your life permanently. Delete & block him. I mean no calls, no texts, emails.....NO CONTACT AT ALL ....... give yourself time to get over him. If he calls, don't answer as well. But you have to be prepared coz it's not gonna be easy. I've gone through it myself. You will want to call him when you are in so much pain being away from him. It's like going through hell and back but trust me it's all gonna be worth it! Tell yourself .... the pain WILL go away and you WILL get over this!
 

Laura

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Joined
Oct 3, 2021
Messages
1
I am right here with you. I broke up with my bf of one year in May because of his toxic behavior, which I felt was largely due to substance abuse issues. He got clean and we started getting back together but now, even though he’s clean, he is starting to treat me with the same level of disrespect and disregard. He doesn’t care about my feelings. It’s not drugs, it’s who he is. And I even though I love him for the ways he is good to me, I cannot keep getting hurt by the ways he fails me. So when he gets home from NYC (where he has been spending time with an old female friend 🤬) I am ending it for good. I need to stay strong.

You need to be strong. You deserve someone who will be better for you. Write down all the ways he makes you feel bad so you remember that feeling and why you don’t want that anymore. I am going to write him a letter. May never show it to him. It’s really more for me.
 
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