How can I love myself when I am so lost?

LostSoul

Newbie Queen
Joined
Nov 10, 2021
Messages
4
So, my marriage is over… he decided to have an affair about 4 years ago and he is still maintaining it today. I found out about 10 months into his affair that there was someone else. He assured me it was a friend and nothing more… lies… about a year later, I figured out that there was more to it than what he was telling me… maybe denial was dominating my thoughts. We have two kids. After our vacation in 2019, I suddenly had a condition that caused me to go blind. He left me during this crisis to be with his woman… I begged him not to go because I was throwing up and scared. I was having a medical crisis and he just left, but he did offer to call an ambulance for me. I ended up in crisis and lost vision in one eye. The other eye was temporary. I wanted to divorce him before this happened because he stranded the kids and me in a theme park while he disappeared to FaceTime this woman. Since then, I regained vision in one eye, survived the pandemic so far, supported everyone after he lost his job and am now to the point where everything is ending. I have learned to adapt and grow through all of this, but after years of verbal and emotional abuse, manipulation, and broken trust, I am so lost. I am so hurt. I have dealt with so much alone that I just feel the need for someone to love and support me. I am so tired of being alone. I want to feel romantic love instead of this pain and emptiness… but I am still going through all of this. As I continue to reflect on everything, I am afraid that I have neglected myself for the past 18 years. I don’t fully know who I am and what all I like/dislike. I am not sure if I struggle to love myself because I seem reliant on the idea of someone validating my worth for me to feel loved. I am so lost. How can I heal from this, and allow myself the ability to not be dependent on anyone to validate my worth?
 

ThatGirl

Newbie Queen
Joined
Sep 1, 2021
Messages
18
I'm really sorry you went through that. No doubt it will take some time to recover from those things. I'd first be patient with yourself.

I can tell you what I did that helped me move past some relationship trauma. I began looking at everything in my life to figure out what makes me happy/ what I like (food, fashion, movies, hobbies, everything). Then I began dealing with my toxic thoughts daily, reframing negative perspective, talking kindly to myself, etc.. Then I started creating goals for different areas of my life & disciplined myself to do these things regularly. Then, I picked hobbies that made me most happy & pursued them. Then I added some social clubs to my weekly activities. Then I focused on dating myself. I thought of all the places I wanted to go/ things I wanted to do but didn't want to do alone and just went and did them alone. Before I knew it I was truly happy being with myself, I was living in abundance, and my life has started to become what I want it to be.

None of these things will happen in one or two weeks, it takes time to truly change your life and learn to value yourself but if you really want to get to know yourself and value yourself, you can. The movie Runaway Bride is a great view on what can happen to you when you don't know yourself and if you don't know yourself, how can anyone else?
 

MatthewCoast

Administrator
Staff member
Joined
Aug 14, 2021
Messages
124
How can I heal from this, and allow myself the ability to not be dependent on anyone to validate my worth?

Watch this video to learn about healing and moving on...


Here's a meditation I recommend watching...


Ultimately, you need to fulfill your own needs so that you aren't reaching to others to fulfill them. You'll need to focus on validating your own worth and changing your stories about who you are and what happened to you in your childhood and previous relationships so that you believe in your own worth.

I'll be doing more content on these topics in the near future, hopefully.
 
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LostSoul

Newbie Queen
Joined
Nov 10, 2021
Messages
4
I'm really sorry you went through that. No doubt it will take some time to recover from those things. I'd first be patient with yourself.

I can tell you what I did that helped me move past some relationship trauma. I began looking at everything in my life to figure out what makes me happy/ what I like (food, fashion, movies, hobbies, everything). Then I began dealing with my toxic thoughts daily, reframing negative perspective, talking kindly to myself, etc.. Then I started creating goals for different areas of my life & disciplined myself to do these things regularly. Then, I picked hobbies that made me most happy & pursued them. Then I added some social clubs to my weekly activities. Then I focused on dating myself. I thought of all the places I wanted to go/ things I wanted to do but didn't want to do alone and just went and did them alone. Before I knew it I was truly happy being with myself, I was living in abundance, and my life has started to become what I want it to be.

None of these things will happen in one or two weeks, it takes time to truly change your life and learn to value yourself but if you really want to get to know yourself and value yourself, you can. The movie Runaway Bride is a great view on what can happen to you when you don't know yourself and if you don't know yourself, how can anyone
 
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