- Nov 10, 2021
So, my marriage is over… he decided to have an affair about 4 years ago and he is still maintaining it today. I found out about 10 months into his affair that there was someone else. He assured me it was a friend and nothing more… lies… about a year later, I figured out that there was more to it than what he was telling me… maybe denial was dominating my thoughts. We have two kids. After our vacation in 2019, I suddenly had a condition that caused me to go blind. He left me during this crisis to be with his woman… I begged him not to go because I was throwing up and scared. I was having a medical crisis and he just left, but he did offer to call an ambulance for me. I ended up in crisis and lost vision in one eye. The other eye was temporary. I wanted to divorce him before this happened because he stranded the kids and me in a theme park while he disappeared to FaceTime this woman. Since then, I regained vision in one eye, survived the pandemic so far, supported everyone after he lost his job and am now to the point where everything is ending. I have learned to adapt and grow through all of this, but after years of verbal and emotional abuse, manipulation, and broken trust, I am so lost. I am so hurt. I have dealt with so much alone that I just feel the need for someone to love and support me. I am so tired of being alone. I want to feel romantic love instead of this pain and emptiness… but I am still going through all of this. As I continue to reflect on everything, I am afraid that I have neglected myself for the past 18 years. I don’t fully know who I am and what all I like/dislike. I am not sure if I struggle to love myself because I seem reliant on the idea of someone validating my worth for me to feel loved. I am so lost. How can I heal from this, and allow myself the ability to not be dependent on anyone to validate my worth?