What are the signs he wants something serious?
Men want sex! This is the message your mother and or father taught you not too long ago, and of course it’s a stereotype based on some partial truth. Obviously, there are some men out there who will do anything and fake anything for a one night stand. But that’s the opposite of what you want.
Maybe that’s even what you fear most. If you’re emotionally vulnerable, and are still aching from a broken heart resulting from your last relationship, you may feel scared of falling for the same type of man. And it’s the last thing your heart can take right now!
The answer is not to avoid all men or avoid dating forever. It’s not to accept celibacy and live with unpleasant memories of the past, keeping everyone at a distance. I know it feels like the safest thing to do, but it’s not going to make you happy.
You deserve a serious relationship, just like you want. And no, you don’t have to settle for a “loser” or settle for anything less than your ideal standard. All that’s required is that change your attitude and change your approach.
And most importantly at all you pay close attention to the signs. You watch and listen closely so that you get the negative signals that bad boys are sending you, and the signals that Mr. Right is sending you—showing that he’s as serious as you are.
5 Signs He Wants Something Serious
Here are five good signs to look for before moving the relationship into the sexual realm.
1. He’s not ashamed of you. He thinks his parents and his friends are going to love you!
Men who desire casual sex with women are, in a way, ashamed of themselves. They will try their best to hide their “mistress” from their friends and their parents because they don’t want to have to explain “what this is”. The relationship is nothing…it’s just a friends with benefits situation, and the last thing he wants is his friends making fun of him or his parents asking questions about engagement. If you fall into this trap, he will always want to stay around bars, clubs or Netflix and chill at your place or his place.
If he really likes you, that means he knows you’re compatible with his lifestyle. You’re compatible with his friends and his parents and siblings. He’s proud of how you conduct yourself. He can’t wait to show you off. He’s very likely thinking about you as serious marriage material.
2. You can answer a lot of things about his past because he loves talking with you about it.
Another test: a guy interested in casual sex WILL NOT talk much about his memories, his personal life or anything he loves. He might answer a few questions if you ask them, but at no time is he going to confide in you or become vulnerable in your presence.
This makes the one night stand less sexy. You knowing all these personal things about him makes him very uncomfortable, and frankly, much harder to dump you and run, which is his plan.
For the best results, don’t overtly ask him to share his memories. Start by talking to him about things he loves—his job, his charity work, his pet project or hobby, and so on. Then gradually, and subtly, make the shift to why he likes these things? What started him down this road? He will eventually realize that he’s confiding in you about his past.
He will either run like a scalded dog before things get too serious or he will realize, “Wow I really do like her…I can’t believe how much we talk and time flies!”
3. He goes out of his way to spend time with you.
The funny thing about all these “casual sex guys” is that they will NOT try that hard to spend time with you, at least not if they have better offers from somewhere else.
But a man who actually likes you and is really enjoying your company will go out of his way, and adjust his schedule for another date. A man interested in a booty call will mostly talk to you at night and want to hang out on the weekend. And if you can’t make it he will be unavailable that same night and that same weekend—because he will be getting his freak on somewhere else.
When a man really likes you he craves your attention and the conversation. He’s interested in having more emotional moments with you—an intense connection of mind and heart. This is what he wants, and the sex enhances that, but the sex is no replacement for good conversation. The mind melding is what really attracts him.
4. He loves hearing you speak.
Now if you play your cards right, you are attracting him by projects the quality of mystery. Men love a mysterious woman, just by nature. They love it when they have to work extra hard to get her attention and then get her to speak at length. Mysterious women tend to be concise. They give only the bare minimum. This drives men wild…
So when you do actually give a longer conversation, he is fascinated with your answers, curious about your life, and is just eager to get your opinion on everything. He is especially fond of getting your emotional reactions to his favorite things. Childhood memories, favorite restaurants, and other lifestyle choices that he wants you to accept. Give him the reaction he wants…and he will adore you.
5. He sees a future with you.
Want to really know what a man thinks about you? Try to get him thinking about the future. Don’t ask him about the relationship. Simply discuss his future and where he sees himself. As soon as he gets the impression that it’s HIS future and not YOURS, he may began to feel a little sad. At this point he may actually say that he wants you in his life, in some capacity. He’s grown fond of you and can’t imagine enjoying his future without your mutual friendship.
You can also tell a lot about what he really thinks of you by the way he makes plans. Does he check with you before making plans? Are dates mutually understood? Does he immediately let you know if he wants to go somewhere and presumes you want to come with him? These are all good signs that he sees a future with you and it’s not just about sex.
As you can see, men who want sex are shallow…not just on the inside but on the outside. You can tell by their behavior that they’re really not interested. But a man who is slowly falling for you, will be easy to read!
The deadly mistake women make that drives men away from good women…
Have you heard about The Heartbreak Treadmill?
This is the mistake that women make that make good men lose interest and feel like they want to pull away and disappear on you.
You can learn more about it here…
There are 4 things that you can do to get on The Heartbreak Treadmill…
This makes you feel like you’re giving everything to a man or a relationship.
And if you’re like most women, all you’ll receive for it is…
Being taken for granted…
Treated like an option…
And put as a secondary priority in a man’s life…
And I don’t want that for you.
Talk soon,
Matthew Coast
P.S. If you want to make sure you stay off The Heartbreak Treadmill and instead have your man pursue you for a committed relationship, click the link below…
Wow, this speaks from my soul very, accurate, all this! I’m somewhat sure he really wants to wife me. I want him but he still behaves like a creep sometimes. Last when we talked he was so eager to tell me what he finds so great about his job, hr was really passionate about telling it. The thing is I have the same big passion and everything else we share a houmongous bunch of everything. And we both get so happy when we get to see each other. And we are sooo compatible, so much on the same wavelength and quite complementary. That’s why I want him. But I get angry at hus behaviours quite often. Like, he still needs to work on his integrity. else, ‘I will not have it. But i guess he senses that he has a chance with me. 😉 😉 😉
Nice one
These 5 signs were very accurate. This is exactly what I’m experiencing with my new guy BUT he’s married. I’m so confused as to why he has to be Mr. Right at the wrong time.
So sad for both of you. You deserve a man who’s unattached and he should be faithful to his wife.
agreed!
If he’s unfaithful to his wife you will never be able to trust him. There’s always going to be someone better. RUN!
What if he is separated from his wife…is that any different?
Married by the state is contract marriage. Totally get you. The system in place as it is. Is crumbling.
But if I were you I would want some sure way to know that he’s serious about you.
Men are like hungry lions when they want something bad enough.
Getting a divorce would be a sign to me that he’s making the steps necessary to get you if he wants you bad enough
Otherwise I would not take him seriously.
His marriage might just be a contract marriage, and he might not be talking to the women he’s married to anymore, but that doesn’t mean he’s taking you seriously.
I would want assurity.
I agree with Positive Vibes!
He will never be MR. RIGHT begin your relationship while he is a married man period.
God will NEVER send you someone else’s husband. Period. Find your own man, not another woman’s.
Amen Sister! Very well said! Why is this fact so difficult for some people to understand?!
If he’s married to someone else. He is not your mister right. Stop it.
If he is seperated , at any time he can and may go back. Trying to convince him of you is a waste if time. I dated a guy that had cheated and he did it to me. I would walk away from this one. He can find you if he is totally free.
How u get him you’ll lose him the same way or it could be worse , your worth so much more than that…KNOW YOUR WORTH #1 REAL TALK …. REMEMBER ,what u dish out is guaranteed to come back sooner or later
If he’s unfaithful to his wife now, how sure are you he won’t do the same to you. That type of man is weak. It’s so sad how other women thinks they could have a real relationship with a married man. He’s still married and will never be faithful to the next if he keeps cheating. RUN and don’t waste your time with that low class type of man. You deserve someone who is not married or committed with another woman. That man is a loser. Know your worth lady.
Yes, if he’s cheating on her, he’ll cheat on you. He’s still married. Don’t go out with him again till you see the divorce papers
Why do you want a married man? Ruin family if they have kids.
oh my gosh if a woman was to talk like that to even me i would definately distance myself permenatly….duh girl its obvious they havent a clue no wonder they hava issues finding a solid hinest relationship. perhaps being single does have its perks such as not filtering thru crap like that. So in regards to your advice thank you it was plesant until i click on that stupid audio content. i will use good old fashion honor and hold out for a man worth my attention by knowing its right by how he pursues my attention if and when he is ready to come and encounter me in person not from a distant area nor dumb webiners nor stupid people attpting to hook this bs amd thinking im desperate enough to put myself out there when doing so only opens the idea im interested in the dating scene. im old fashion with a intellegent twist i know when a man is interested and i know how to enteract with pose and im sorry theres so many clueless woman struggling but i can offer this… your information is really helpful and thoughtful for those who find themselves nor hip to such thimgs. good luck mathew and to all you woman may you be blessed with the man you desire who can give you love the right way….for real
In my experience I find your information spot on men are visual and sexual it drives them but in no means is a man a fool they have perfected their game over the years and have made their self hard to read women on the other hand need to step up their game and to have a little insight in how men work is what women need all women want romance fairy tale love but it doesn’t work like that men do not understand this exactly not saying they don’t want to do this but they are not hardwired for the romance they don’t put their emotions front and center like women do men will tell you what their intentions are if you slow down and pay attention thanks Matt for standing by the women your awesome!!
When u are telling womens abt men u just need to say what it is about them so womens will kno what 2 be look out 4
Okay, thanks for the feedback
Pretty good Matthew. Are you single?
Due to past bad experiences with guys I have dated, I have become comfortable loving myself and focusing on work. I would rather have a friend or two to meet occasionally for physical intimacy without having to commit and feel tied down with marriage. As is, men fear to commit to marriage and are unable to control their wandering mind and is open to sex with any available women they fancy about. If I grumble about it, then I become the controlling woman. So I have learnt to be comfortable being single and keeping a friend or two for fun on an on-call basis, without commiting to him and doing all the payless, thankless household work for him and raise his child, just for having a “husband” in life. When financially secure, I would adopt a baby or two who has crossed the diaper stage, so I will have a family too without being stressed and dependent and committed to a cheating husband. I think that is the most viable option for modern life situations, plus I can give happiness and a comfortable life to a child who is an orphan or facing an unfortunate circumstance in life. That way, I will have freedom, family, and not to feel unhappy about living with a wanderer who can’t commit, and he will have his freedom. I think it’s a win-win.
Or you could find a good man who wants to have a traditional, family oriented family as well. They’re everywhere.
reallly, where??
There are plenty of family oriented guys like Matthew says out there.
Get on Hinge or Bumble and weed through profiles. You want to look for men who list these traits right on their initial landing page. Men who feel it necessary to use oodles of humor or sarcasm to draw a partner in probably aren’t the most family-focused at this stage in life.
I like Hinge because it allows both sexes to state on their page whether or not they want and already have children. This is your starting point if there ever was one.
Also, look at the photos he chooses to use to represent himself. This dating page is, after all, a solicitation of what he has to offer a potential mate at this exact moment in time. If the photos are family oriented (him with his grandparents or mother or sis) or even better (him with a baby nephew or niece) then reach out to him and/or match with him!
Good luck
I’m not Traditional nor will I ever want to be
I’m not attracted to the Traditional type.
This has all been really good learning for me to find what I really want
Where?
I get that Matthew but what if he was that guy and you had 5 children with him and helped with stepchildren and here we are 13 years later and he’s been going with prostitutes fell in love with one and denying all knowledge how do you fix this? I mean I am a full 12 years younger and intelligent wtf more do men want?
Yes i find myself liking your ideas. I sure don’t blame you for thinking as you do.
I would be much older than you and as an older woman i do realise that modern day males
are worse than the ones of my younger era.
With all the social media web sites it’s just too easy for males to find women for one night stands
or cheating on their partners for casual sex.
You sound determined and smart.
I had a great man for 47 years until he died. Please don’t undermine all men from what you may have experienced. He worshipped me, put me on a pedistal but gave me my freedom to pursue my career and have 3 children. Please go a little easy on them and give the right man a chance. If you look you will find the right one. I have just done so after 12 years of widowhood! So I know what both senarios are like, happily married with children and a career and loneliness for 12 years. Now I have found my 2nd Mr Right! good luck
I am finding this to be true except I have grown kids I see only occasionally. I work, have a “friend ” and am learning to adjust to life and find me. Spent my whole life caring for others and most have moved on and have little time for me. I am recreating life as I know it.
I agree with her at this stage of my life I do not want to get married I would rather have friends with benefits because I not good at long term relationships or maybe have not found my soul mate if I do I could change my mind. All my older friends are not happy with there spouse. I only know one couple. I rest my case
Yes there are good men out there. the main thing is are you a good woman .do your.actions line up with what your heart and mind is telling you
Yes
What about some advice for the over 50’s, who have grown families and are starting over again due to being widowed or recently divorced.
Yes, we could use a lot more advice about how men show they care when they can’t have intercourse. How do you encourage them to do what they can’t?
Would love to see some advice for older women (50+). While most of your advice is spot on and applicable for the younger ladies just getting into a permanent relationship, I’m divorced, over 60 and dating again. I’m finding that, yes — there are still plenty of men out there looking for a hook up, FWB, or one night stand, but there are also many good men who want a relationship of some sort. Widowers I’ve dated seem to know how to love & make a relationship work and divorced men are more practical and realistic about relationships and know what they don’t want. I’ve met some wonderful men that I’m still friends with, but still searching for just the right man. I know I’ll find him and cherish him forever!
awwww! help Debbie, Matt! It sucks starting all over but it’ll be worth it, in the end!
This really true! Thanks for sharing. I still believe there is someone out there for you if you really want to love and open your heart again. Your mind attracts what you want. Just have to love yourself
again and life places you in the right place and
the precise moment. So many sad love stories out there, but also many great ones.
!Good love vibes to all! ♥️
I’m having trouble reading my man. We have been dating for 7 months and as time goes by he is saying things like “ we will do that together “ and I’d love to take you there. When we are together it’s wonderful we talk everyday sometimes three or four times and we see each other once a week
BUT. He is a workaholic his job is very confidential and I don’t know much about his life. He tells me about his past and tells me that he doesn’t see his family all this worries me because I don’t feel part of his life
It’s very confusing to me I very rarely see him at weekends due to work but he tells me he loves me and talks about the future with me in it
I remain confused but I hope one day everything will be clear to me
Do you know where he works and things like that? Never met any of his family? I don’t meet to sound negative but I’m wondering if he already has one. I say that respectfully. If he loves you he should trust you to be open with you about his life by now. Are you around any of his friends or just always you and him? Very curious. Something sounds off. Have you asked why so secretive about his job? Bottom line if that’s the life you’d live with him and it’s uncomfortable now of a life in the dark, it will always be a life uncomfortable in the dark. I pray you find clarity.
I never meet a good man yet
Ewwwe, Dee…this guy sounds too elusive. I don’t really feel his weekends are spent working this much. Maybe he spends weekends with someone else. This just reminds me of men who live for many years in relationships with 2 complete families, where neither family knows about the other!!
Yes, he is fond of you, but he is not totally besotted with you, where he also wants a committed and “unmysterious” life or lifestyle with you. If he is truly working on all these weekends, for instance, the only way you are going to have ANY real relationship with him (altho scant and probably unfulfilling) would be to be living with him at least. So, beware.
If you truly, truly want lots more with this man, and he is at all mysterious to you, if it were I, I would hire a private detective to find out what he’s really doing. To me, that would be well worth the money. If the situation looks promising then, and things all work out, you two can have a good laugh over this someday. And if what you discover is dishearting enough that you know you somehow have to move on from this man, at least you will KNOW, and not be left in turmoil, just wondering what’s going on, from day, to day, to day.
If he is just a workaholic who, very likely, does not ever want to be committed to anything other than the job and/or the career, is he really then worth all of your sincere and honest efforts, and good heart and generosity of spirit?? (Some workaholics, in my experience, develop because they are afraid of relationships, afraid of commitments. Or, are immature, cannot deal with the responsibility of commitment in relationships. Some workaholics go and develop consuming hobbies for the same reason. Some work constant weekends bec they want to advance as quickly as possible in their job or career, mainly bec they are greedy and just totally worship money over everything else [instead of totally worshipping you]).
I know all this is tough to hear — I am sure I am many years older than you, and I know it’s live and learn — and, for me, been there, done that, don’t want to go back there again!! And it’s hard to just break it off, and then also ignore all of his possible reaching out in future, I know.
You could consider seeing him once more then, or talk on the phone, text, snail mail a note in a card, whatever — if what you learn about him is not good — just letting him know where you’re at, saying you realize he is not in that place, that you wish him all the best, but you’re gone.
I have done exactly that myself, by emailing & by text, and very recently. And I gave him a short time frame (a week) to change his ways, or else it’s bye-bye. He did not contact me again after that, and that gave me some kind of closure, that he was NOT at all interested in me, not in the way I would personally expect of a man. I did not feel he was even my friend at that point. (I did not hire a P.I. tho, but for budgetary reasons only.) The mystery & subsequent suspense still bothers me, a bit, but even that is fading — so, I guess out of sight, and hearing, out of mind. Time truly is a great (general) healer, as they say. And, for myself, I’d rather look back with a little sadness than currently live in basically self-imposed hell.
And, meanwhile, until you get to that much more comfortable, at peace kind of place, you keep VERY busy — working, doing puzzles, talking of other things with girlfriends, going out with them, watching really good (and not sad) movies, reading really good books.
And try Whirlwind by author James Clavell, which I HIGHLY recommend.
It’s 1,200+ pages, the size of 3 books in 1, & the best book I ever read!! Keep notes of all characters at first tho, for the first cpl. 100 or so pages (which part can be a bit boring until you get to understand what’s all going on), bec there’s LOTS of characters, in about 5 great sub-stories, and all going on in a book you just CANNOT put down!! I usually reread it every 2 yrs or so, have read it now 5 times(!) — and it never loses its magic — you just lose yourself in that book!! Clavell also wrote Shogun, BTW. So, go get it!! Try online, used!!).
And constantly keep up these activities so you don’t think so much. And, yes, do intriguing puzzles such as good crosswords, and sudoku, etc!! And if you can get friends involved in some good boardgames, go for it. Keep your mind too busy to THINK. For a good while. Make sure you are exhausted by bedtime, so you drop off quickly and don’t lay there just thinking. All of these thngs really works for me. And stay away from any mutual friends, never ever discuss him with anybody, and do not bother to check his social media pages. You basically just disappear from his life. He’s treated you like a ghost that’s never really there, so…
And, frankly, if he does not start phoning you, mailing you, texting you several times a day after that, and doesn’t ALSO, and repeatedly if necessary, walk two miles on his knees through heavy city traffic, while carrying a couple dozen long-stemmed roses in a huge long florist’s box — just to hell with him. (And I realize, hiring a private det. is not the road that many would undertake, or think to undertake, or even recommend to others, but it’s what I would do in a situation like this, and what works for me. I will not waste my time on unworthy men, so I have to KNOW and know quickly, and for SURE, when such a man is on the horizon, who seems too mysterious, & unavailable, and when I realize I have true sincere feelings for him that I’m sure will only escalate on my part. So, beware!!). Been there, done that…
Good luck, darling.
After being married to someone who didn’t love me for the last 10 years of our marriage. I got divorced, and fell in love with another person who ended up not wanting to commit to a relationship with me! A few months later I found an amazing guy for me who treats me like his queen but we are in a long distant relationship. I am so head over heals in love with him I am grateful I had too go through all the struggles I went through to find real happiness! I know the right person is out there you just have too have faith!
I think this info and study is relevant to having and or desiring a good and healthy relationship or marriage! We exhaust ourselves in what we do in life in order to be pleased and well-satisfied. We have to get it right into order for it to work!
Ok so the article rings true for me as well. The signs are there however what if we are both just overly sexually crazy for one another. I mean we haven’t met yet it’s a bit of a long distance situation that stemmed from a mutual hobby. I mean there is a great deal of sex talk from both of us yet we also stay up talking for hours about life, childhood, wishes for the future. The distance is a problem yet we cannot stop talking to one another. Any thoughts?!
Oh Mathew. He has 4 of the five. He is working away right now. This is a good sign for me. I don’t want to mess it up. Their is another guy but I have my doubts about him. But yet it seems like I can’t let him go. He is exciting. They both match me. I am hesitant with 2nd. He has opened up some but their is something bothering me. I can’t put my finger on it. When you have gut instinct. I think I better listen to it. He maybe fun & sweet but I just don’t know. I am torn & confused by second guy. He sent me a song. He said he would never let me go.He was one who sent it. He tried hiding it but I figured out where it came from.