You know there’s been a lot of talk about “toxic masculinity” these days, most of which is misunderstood. It actually refers to the harmful aspects of masculinity, namely the toxic behavior that leads to men harming women or indeed, harming themselves.
For example, the toxic masculinity that normalizes bullying and violence. There shouldn’t be anything “masculine” about hurting someone else, right? Makes sense.
Then I got to thinking, well really the “toxicity” that we’re talking about is egalitarian in nature. Meaning that anyone can be “toxic”, whether that person is male, female, trans, non-binary, anything.
But what does it mean to be toxic? Toxic has a basic meaning. Something poisonous, something that’s insidious, maybe even something that could kill someone.
So if we’re talking about toxic behavior, then we’re talking about behavior that is harmful, damaging, and that slowly “kills” another person, at least in the sense that it causes depression, grief, and other negative emotions.
It’s not uncommon for people who are hurting to seek out alcohol or drugs as a coping mechanism, and in many cases, that can be a death sentence.
But one reason why we say “toxic” rather than “abusive”, is because very few people actually think of themselves as abusive. That person’s gut reaction might be to protest, saying “I would never intentionally abuse or neglect someone!”
Maybe that’s why we like the word “toxic”. Because even though a person might not understand that what they’re doing is hurtful, it is hurtful. And that behavior damages others, especially someone’s partner.
What are some examples of this behavior? We’re not going to list physical or verbal abuse, because that’s common knowledge. But we are going to cover four other areas of “toxic behavior” that can really hurt someone else. Let’s talk about these signs one at a time.
1. It always has to be your way…because you’re the one that’s always right.
Hey, when you’re right, you’re right. Our first reaction to being “correct” is to help others see the truth that we see. We share our truth, so other people can benefit from knowing it. It’s our kindness, right?
Here’s the problem. Some people have entirely different perceptions of what they see as truth. Some people might see a different side of an issue, one that we never considered.
Or, someone may see an event that we missed, thereby changing the narrative as we know it.
In other words, keeping an open mind is a way of keeping the peace. You don’t have to surrender to someone else, or admit you’re wrong if you’re not wrong. But the idea that you are never wrong, or can’t even listen to someone with an opposite opinion or perspective is toxic thinking.
No partner would ever want to stay with someone who can never be questioned, always knows everything, and is perfect in every way. That’s too much pressure!
2. You don’t respect your partner’s privacy or independence.
Frankly, this is not an equal partner but a submissive, a slave, a “pet”. All that BDSM kink aside, no one really wants to be totally subservient to their spouse.
As adults, we are entitled to basic human rights: our independence, our desire and ability to do as we please (as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone else). Our right to privacy, our right to engage in personal hobbies, without needing permission. We don’t want to answer to a superior at home! We want to be treated with respect, don’t we?
So if you ever sense that your partner is drifting away, ask yourself, have you been demanding his full attention? Do you demand to always be part of his life? Do you deny him the chance to be alone, do his own things, or go be with his friends?
If it’s gotten to the point where he always has to report to you, or has to explain what he was doing and why then this is no longer an equal relationship! This is a toxic relationship and you’re counting down the days to when he can no longer take it.
3. You need him to be YOUR MAN. He is your rock and you need him to be strong (in the way you tell him).
At first glance, this seems innocent. But it’s that part in parenthesis that’s important. You need him to be the man YOU WANT, the man you shape him to be, because that makes you happy.
The problem is that’s not who he is. You cannot custom create a man to be just so. (Not until robots cast vastly improve in technology and affordability!) Accept him for who HE wants to be, and who he wants to becomes, and make peace with that.
He can be your rock, he can be the man you love, but only if you let him be who HE wants to be. Let him pursue his own passions and ambitions. Support him, be with him, and fight FOR him.
If you spend all your time trying to change him, or focusing exclusively on your needs, or telling him how he ought to feel, you’re not allowing him the freedom to be himself.
He is following orders and that’s not what a man wants, even if he loves you.
4. You will cry, scream, scheme, or punish him to get your way.
This might not be outright “abuse”, but it’s toxic as hell. Any kind of negative and hurtful manipulation to get your way is only going to push him away. Overtime, he will grow up and realize that all of his memories of you are negative and tainted with extreme and volatile emotion. He will want to get away. He may dream about it first…and then start fantasizing about being with someone else…until he starts to look for a way out.
Never use negative manipulation to get what you want. Use positive reinforcement to show him the behaviors you like. Talk to him honestly about the things you don’t like. Avoid mind games and focus on building a relationship, one built on honesty and empathy.
Toxic behavior – maybe someone is doing it to you, or maybe sometimes you might catch yourself doing it to someone else. This does not mean that you are abusive or a bad person. Remember sometimes we pick up these behaviors from other people or unconsciously emulate our parents or siblings and the way they do it.
It doesn’t have to mean anyone’s a bad or abusive person. It’s just the behavior that’s toxic. And if you know it’s hurting someone, it’s time to change that behavior.
Focus on being a better version of yourself, a woman he is irresistibly attracted to – partly because you want him to act like himself, to be himself, and to love you the same. Love is so much better when it’s natural and not manipulated. Give him the chance to love the real you by being on his side!
The 5 Word Phrase That Destroys a Man’s Love For You And Drives Him Out Of Your Life
There’s a simple 5 word phrase that will destroy any man’s love for you and drive him out of your life completely…
It usually comes out as an honest question when you want to connect with him…
But only serves to push him away and slowly kill your relationship from the inside out…
It can take a man who is filled with love and passion for you…
And make him feel cold, distant, and uninterested…
Have you figured out what it is yet?
Many women send this as a text message when they’re feeling insecure…
And then are confused why he suddenly pulls away and disappears completely…
Most of the women who ask it don’t even know how harmful it is…
Yet it can take a relationship that seems like it’s perfect…
A relationship where you feel loved, cared for, and like you’ve finally found “the one”…
And overnight, it can tear that relationship apart…
Leaving you confused, frustrated, and heartbroken…
If you don’t know what this simple yet seemingly innocent question is…
I want you to stop what you’re doing and go watch this video presentation that I put together for you at the link below…
Click here to watch the video now <<
My name is Matthew Coast and I’ve been teaching in the dating industry on since 2005…
I’ve helped hundreds of thousands of women, all over the world…
Get into relationships where they feel loved, seen, and cherished by the men they’re with…
When you click the link this link right here <<
I show you what this 5 word phrase is…
I’ll teach you about why men pull away, how to stop it from happening…
And how to attract the man you want…
Into a relationship where you’re loved and adored and treated like a priority…
No matter how painful things have been in your past…
You can attract a great man and have a great relationship…
Just click the link on your screen and the watch the video right now…
If you’re struggling with men pulling away from you…
If you’re tired of giving everything to a relationship and only being taken for granted…
And if you’re ready to have a man see you as a woman that he wants to be with forever…
