Is it true what they say that a man and woman can never be friends because inevitably, some day, sex will become an issue? Many with first hand experience of falling for a “platonic friend” might be inclined to agree. It’s hard not to fall in love with someone of the opposite sex once you spend a lot of time with them and come to admire them.
However, there are still some who claim that they have NEVER been attracted to their platonic friend and that sex will never happen—and so they insist that they can be friends. Their argument is essentially that just because we are biologically programmed to mate, that is not all we are in terms of the id and ego our minds. We have base desires…but we also have an intellectual mind. The ability to resist sexual temptation. Perhaps even more important, we have the ability to not feel attraction for an incompatible partner who is still a good friend.
In theory, making a friend out of a person rather than a lover should be a fairly easy thing to do—easier than algebra anyway! So what goes wrong?
Sex Ruins Everything!
The biggest problem in maintaining platonic relationships is that sex changes the dynamic of the friendship and dealing with these changes is beyond what most friends can take.
First of all, remember that when we make a new friend we immediately establish terms and conditions on this friendship. Many friends make it a point that they cannot handle a friendship with negative emotion, jealousy or grief.
Naturally then, when two friends agree on this principle, and then compromise these terms by having sex or trying to be romantic, this may feel like a betrayal. Suddenly, the friendship which was always such a positive thing before, is now infused with hurt, negativity and toxic thoughts. It’s little wonder then that these types of friendship end rather quickly.
It’s not always the fact that sex ruins the friendship, but rather the idea that one partner is slowly falling in love while the other partner is not. Immediately, this relationship is now one sided, unrequited love! It’s very painful to the partner who knows things will never change. Sometimes the only thing he or she can do is leave the friendship for their own emotional survival. They have to move on and get on with their life. They will do what they have to do…and that means the end of this altered friendship!
Even in situations where love is not an issue sex can complicate things. What if one partner feels sexual attraction but the other doesn’t? This creates an imbalance and an awkwardness that may challenge a traditional friendship. The friendship may not even be enjoyable anymore if there is always this “cloud” hanging over the both of you and there’s no way to cure it…except for, well…uh…
Awkward Friend Sex
What about the theory that if you have sex and get it out of the way, that you can actually stay friends and simply date other people? The easy answer is that it works for some couples but not for others.
Some couples think they can have casual sex or a friends with benefits arrangement, where the attraction is mutual but sex is free. Eventually, however, one of them might fall in love. Then it’s back to square one, unrequited love!
To be honest, what concerns us the most at the “Commitment Connection” site, is that friends-with-benefits is an uneven relationship in terms of dating. It’s fine if you personally do not want romance or love with a man, but still find him sexually appealing.
The real problem though is that if you develop feelings for him later on, he will NEVER reciprocate because you’ve turned this man-chases-woman dynamic into a free sex takeout menu. He gets all the sex he wants and stays clear of your desires (beyond sex). He owes you nothing, invests nothing and will always feel nothing.
So yes, to some extent we can say most men and women can’t stay friends—although of course, there are always exceptions to the rule. But chances are you are NOT the exception.
The worst case scenario, which happens far more often than you might think, is that even if you do have a casual sex thing going you are bound to lose it eventually AND lose the friendship as well. The main reason being that when your partner does meet someone to fall in love with, their new spouse is NOT going to like you all that much
Spouses, both male and female, are very threatened with “platonic friends”—and especially friendships where there’s attraction or a history of romance. You’re really playing with fire if you want to keep both your sex buddy and your spouse in the same world, regardless of whether you stop seeing that other person sexually.
Sometimes it boils down to a “You are not allowed to be friends” scenario, rather than a “Can it be done?” scenario.
The lesson is, if you want to try and stay platonic friends with someone you really have to make an effort NOT to open up a can of sexual tension with that person and not toy with their emotions romantically. That can be hard to do if you’re a naturally flirty person, but you will find that the secret to platonic friendships is really not caring about their sex life and being HAPPY for them when they do find the love of their life.
Doing this weird, “I’m jealous but I’m not interested” thing is very damaging to friendships and relationships. Take the high route and value both your future partner and the platonic friendships that are important to you.
Why Men Leave Women They Love
Here’s a sad truth that EVERY woman needs to know…
Even if you’re the seemingly PERFECT woman for a man, he still might leave you…
Here’s why…
Most women try to make a man THINK she’s the right woman for him. But here’s the problem…
Men don’t fall in love with a woman, marry her, move mountains for her, and treat her like a queen because he thinks he should…
A man will only do these because of how he FEELS…
If you want a man to feel like you’re THE most important person in his life…
A woman who he obsessively thinks about and who he WANTS to be romantic to, spoil, and treat like a queen, you need to go watch this video right now…
Click here to watch the video <<
Believe it or not, there’s a secret sequence of phrases that can make thinking about you, being a gentleman for you, and falling deeply in love with you and only you completely IRRESISTIBLE to a man…
It will send shivers down his spine and make him feel like he’s the luckiest man in the world to have you all to himself.
Click here to discover the secret phrases <<
Talk soon,
Matthew Coast
P.S. These phrases are called “The Love Frames” and they change the way a man sees you so that he can finally see and fall in love with the REAL you…
No more trying to convince him you’re the right woman for him…
No more giving everything to a relationship only to be taken for granted…
Instead, use these words to connect to his heart and make him see you as the amazing, beautiful goddess you are…
Click here to discover The Love Frames now <<
