Why do men pull away when they’re falling in love?
Who says that women are the only ones who react emotionally? Men are VERY emotional and do the craziest things sometimes, fueled purely by emotion.
And sometimes they do things that seem downright irrational and illogical.
The difference between men and women is simply that men show their emotions in very different ways.
Men, for example, will often do the exact opposite of what they feel. When a man falls in love, the logical thing for him to do would be to follow his heart and express how he feels to the woman he adores. That’s logical, right?
But some men are so emotional and irrational that they will do the exact opposite of what they feel—namely, by pulling away and becoming distant when they start to fall in love.
This leaves a lot of women wondering, “What the hell just happened?”
It’s easy to understand why a man becomes distant if a man doesn’t like a woman. But if he clearly does like her, or even love her, why on earth would he back away? Why would he risk losing it all when he actually starts to feel something real?
Why He Pulls Away When Falling in Love
Let’s consider five reasons why men who are in love sometimes become the most distant, confusing and emotionally volatile creatures on earth.
1. He’s afraid of losing his mojo.
A man performs his best when he’s feeling independent, masculine and free. That’s why the thought of a relationship, and eventually marriage, scares him to death! He wants to continue to feel free and uncontrollable and can’t reconcile this with the desire he has to PROVIDE for you and pamper you with attention. Two opposing feelings going on in his head—no wonder he’s confused.
Your goal should be to show him that you have no intentions of changing him and that you want him to feel free, independent and in control.
2. He is in love with you…but he knows your life goals or beliefs are completely incompatible.
Call this a battle of the heart vs. the head. Intellectually, he resists you. He thinks your life goals are so opposite, there’s bound to be conflict later on. But when he’s near you, he can’t resist being passionate and making promises that he might not be able to keep. He feels the only solution is to run away.
The best way to handle this is to think realistically about what you can sacrifice if you sincerely want a long-term relationship with him. If he is unable to give up his life goals or career, are you willing to adapt to his lifestyle?
Determine your own flexibility and then talk to him about these concerns and how you might be willing to adjust your schedule if he’s serious about giving this relationship a real shot.
3. He is dealing with heavy emotional turmoil.
Guys will often run away if they are suffering because of emotional pain. This may result from past relationships (perhaps losing someone in death, or their previous partner cheating on them) or it may simply be because they are experiencing “emotion overkill”.
If a man has never loved before he may be over-stimulated and just need a break from the intensity of the emotion. At this stage, he doesn’t want to drop you—he just needs time alone. He needs time to appreciate you and to process these feelings.
He may find it useful to continue on with his daily routine, apart from you, but a place where he can figure out how he feels. During this time, avoid him. Give him as much time as he needs and be responsive to him when he calls you back or texts you. In the meantime, don’t wait for him. Live your life freely, as he would want you to do.
4. He isn’t happy with who HE IS.
He may feel as if this entire relationship is forged on a lie—his lie. He feels as if he isn’t in the career that he wants. He isn’t happy with his future. And he also thinks that you’re attracted to the man he pretends to be.
This is a volatile moment in his life and, once again, it may be a good idea to distance yourself from him, giving him the freedom he needs to find himself. He knows he loves you but he wants you to accept him for who he really is.
That’s why you may need to step back AND start over when you run into him again. Let him win you over and chase you for a second time—this time when he knows what he wants.
5. He is testing you…to see if you’re willing to just let him be.
As you can see, most of these scenarios require the same thing from you: leaving him alone and giving him time to be independent.
This doesn’t mean that you’re becoming cold. You’re doing it out of love for him. You’re choosing not to stifle him or become needy. You don’t require him to save you. You would rather he save himself, so to speak, and figure out what it is he really wants.
The worst thing you can do is try to confront him, force him to talk these feelings out and demand some kind of closure. This will damage him at a very vulnerable time when he needs the feeling of control.
A man truly needs to feel successful in life before he can fully commit to you and chase you to the extent that you deserve. Remember this, and as much as possible, help him to reach his full potential.
He will remember only positive things about you and the love you had for him—that you were willing to let him go and find peace.
Yes, men are emotional and erratic sometimes. But they really do just love too intensely sometimes and they need someone who understands them, as well as supports them. Now you understand the complexity of the male mind!
When He Pulls Away, Do THIS
If you’re tired of men pulling away from you and you want to know how to make him want to come back and never leave again…
Here’s the secret…
In order for a man to come running back to you, he needs to feel two things…
The first one is REGRET for pulling away in the first place.
If you attack or punish him for pulling away, you’ll only make him want to pull away further.
Instead, you want him to feel like coming back to you is more pleasurable than being away.
The second thing you want him to feel is like HE MISSES YOU.
He can’t miss you if you smother him with calls and messages.
Apologizing, trying to see if he’s mad at you, seeing if he’s okay…
This only makes him feel like he needs more space.
There’s a 4 word text message that will make him feel both of these things when you send it to him.
If you’d like to hear what the text message is, click the link below right now to watch a video I put together about it…
Talk soon,
Matthew Coast
P.S. If you want a relationship where a man loves you, sees you, and cherishes you, then you need to watch this video…
