A huge complaint/question I constantly get from women is…
“Why do I have to change? Why can’t men be the ones who change?”
That’s very good question. I can understand how frustrating it must be to think that you need to change yourself and men are just supposed to stay the same.
Before I was coaching women, I was a men’s dating coach. I helped men find, meet, and attract women for a number of years.
Actually, one of the reasons why there is so much confusion in relationships these days is because men and women have changed so much over the last several decades.
Our roles have drastically changed. Women have not only entered the workspace but it’s becoming expected that they have a job and become independent for themselves.
And that’s great news!
Women used to be completely dependent on men for their financial security. Now, they don’t NEED men for much of anything. However, this has created a unique situation for women…
Because most success in careers and jobs comes from predominantly masculine traits.
The long and short of it is this:
Women have become a lot more masculine in our society and men have become a lot more feminine, in general.
The point is that a lot of men ARE working on themselves. I’ve spoken to and taught tens of thousands of men on the topic of how to be a more attractive to women.
It’s just that men and women have dramatically different concerns about how to attract the opposite sex.
For a man, it’s much harder for him to get into a relationship with the type of woman that he wants. Whereas for women, it’s much more difficult to get a guy to stick around than it is for her to attract a guy in the first place.
For a man, the hardest part is from meet to sex. Unfortunately, this means that a guy is much less likely to be concerned with learning about the advanced stages of a relationship unless it becomes urgent for him to do so.
So here’s what this all boils down to. The reason why you need to learn and do something differently is this:
You can’t force a man to do or change anything.
So many women I meet are so focused on getting men to do this… and making him to do that… or changing a guy in some way.
Yet there’s only one person you can make or get to do anything. There’s only one person you can change… and that’s you.
That’s not to say a man isn’t responsible for himself or his actions or creating the results and relationship that he wants in his life.
However, if you focus on men needing to change… it’s quite possible that you’ll miss out on your own ability to transform and be in control of your destiny and relationships.
There are a lot of things that you can do to make sure you have a great guy who treats you well and grows together with you…
You can screen out guys who aren’t into personal growth…
You can get around more men who are into change and developing themselves…
You can encourage and support a man in his transformation and personal change…
Yet you will NEVER make men change. Neither can I. Nor can anyone. He has to make that decision himself.
A man needs to decide for himself that the change is something he wants. He must WANT the change in order for the change to occur.
We’ll talk about how to be so awesome that you influence a man’s desire to change another time. Yet for now, just know this:
You’re not wrong to think he should change. You’re not bad for wanting him to be a better man.
But neither of us are going to get men to change… especially ALL men.
All you can do is learn how to better understand them so that you can work with them through partnership in creating an extraordinary relationship together.
Men aren’t hopeless. If they were, no woman would date, get married to, or be in a relationship with one.
We have our positive aspects and traits.
And when you let go of the idea that men need to change and then take responsibility for yourself and how your relationships play out I think you’ll find that you can enjoy men, relationships, and even the dating process a whole lot more.
And if you do that, you may find that a man actually WANTS to change for you…
Here’s the reality of this situation:
There are a lot of men who are just as frustrated with dating and finding a great woman to be with as you are with dating and finding a great man to be with.
The key here isn’t to shift and lay blame on the opposite sex. The key is to learn to understand each other so that both sexes can come together in a partnership where we all get what we want out of it.
This isn’t a fantasy. I’ve seen it. And I’ve coached thousands of women AND men into relationships like these.
Stop laying blame and take responsibility for the one thing that you have the most control over… yourself.
If you start there, I promise you that creating the extraordinary relationship that you want will become a whole lot easier.
What do you think of this blog post? Please comment below and let me know what you think… should we focus on making men change themselves?