Someone from our community asked:
“What is it about men that they are intimidated by a woman who has a job, house and car? The last couple of guys I have dated all have dumped me because I do not need them to pay my bills or rescue me from something… I do want and need a man to be there with me, not to take care of me! I am not against a man taking care of me at all, just am not looking for that first…. The last guy I dated, ended things because “he was not ready for a relationship”… Then a month later, moves a girl in who has nothing and needed a place to live and help with her bills and such… It is really baffling me… Should I sell all my stuff, house, and such to just find someone??”
When I was in high school, my first real girlfriend and the woman that I was hoping to marry one day, cheated on me with a guy who I thought was my friend…
Now, this guy was a loser. At the time, I really just didn’t understand. He ended up moving out to California at some point.
And several years later my brother went to California for a fitness training expo. And he decided to visit the guy who my ex-girlfriend cheated on me with.
Turns out this guy still didn’t have a job. He still didn’t have a car. He still didn’t have any money. Yet he had multiple girlfriends and one of them he was living with… she was paying all of his bills, letting him drive her car, and feeding him.
Now, I could say, “Why are women intimidated by responsible men?”
But that’s not going to help me out any because responsibility doesn’t intimidate women. Instead, I think a better question might be… “What’s really going on here?”
Men aren’t intimidated by women who have cars, jobs, and a house. A guy might be intimidated by you for other reasons… but it’s not likely that they are intimidated by you for those reasons.
And the reason he’s with that other woman probably isn’t that she doesn’t have a job, house or car. Its something else. And it might be multiple something elses. If you really want to know how to be attractive to men, figure out what those things really are.
What Men Want And What Men Say They Want Are Two Different Things
It doesn’t matter what he tells you about this. I used to be really confused because I had a similar problem with women. What I ended up finding out though is that what women SAY they want and what they’re ATTRACTED to are two completely different things… and it’s the same for men.
In fact, I would have never become a men’s dating coach if what women told me they wanted was actually what they wanted. There’d be no reason for it. Have you ever known someone who dates men she knows isn’t good for her?
Yet the nice guys are all sitting around on the sidelines wishing women wanted guys who “treat them right.”
The problem is that most people get into relationships with someone because of how they feel, not because it’s who they think they should be with. If a man feels like you’re the right person to be with, he’s much more likely to be with you than if he thinks you’re compatible or you fit his checklist.
So the question isn’t whether you make them feel wanted or needed but whether you are pushing the right buttons that make him desire you.
I have no doubt in my mind that you’re an amazing woman. And I also believe that you’re going to figure this out. In fact, it might be something really small that you need to shift that will massively change the way men feel about you.
We just need to figure out what it is.
The Sweet Spot is In the Middle
The mistake is thinking that there are only two possibilities… friend or lover… team or independent… treat him well or treat him poorly… nice guy or bad boy… sweetheart or bitch…
Yet in reality, the place you want to be in is the middle. In ancient Greece, they called it the “Golden Mean”… its the place where the magic happens… its where you’re the most attractive.
You’re not a bitch but you’re not a pushover. You give to a relationship but not so much that you lose yourself in the process. You care but you don’t obsess over.
It’s the same with men. The sweet spot for a man is a guy who is responsible but has an edge to him. He’s in the middle of being a nice guy and a bad boy… but he’s not so far to either side that he’s a pushover or treats women badly.
And if you want a guy who has those aspects developed in himself, he’s going to be attracted to a woman who has developed herself and the aspects of her femininity in the same way.
For a lot of women in our community, it isn’t that they’re even doing something wrong or that they need to change something. It’s that they haven’t met enough men to find a guy who is in alignment with them.
I don’t know how many men you meet on a weekly/monthly basis. What I do know is that the more men you meet, the greater the possibility of you meeting a great guy who works for you. And I’m guessing that this is your problem otherwise you wouldn’t be talking about this “one guy” you dated. You’d be bringing up new issues with new men who you are meeting.
What do you think about this blog post? Are men intimidated by women who are successful? Comment below and tell us what you think!