What to Text a Guy When You’re Not Sure How He Feels

What to Text a Guy When You’re Not Sure How He Feels

Texting is quite the odd social activity, isn’t it?  If by some chance you were alive in the 80s or early 90s, you probably weren’t even aware of texting or the “always available” aspect of it.  It is like a cross between a friendly phone call, a romantic email conversation and a casual online chat…so not surprisingly, people do get confused when it comes to texting and creating a “texting relationship”.

You might wonder for instance, how do I know this guy like-likes me?  Is he into me or is he just being nice and casually texting me like he does a dozen other people (of both genders)?

It happens.  A lot of people text back and forth and there’s nothing sexual about it.  He may have asked for your number or gave you his, but that doesn’t really mean anything yet.  So yeah, it’s probably a good idea to play the texting game safe and not escalate the casual friendly-flirting thing you have going on and making it weird for him.

In that case, you want to text the guy in a way that lets him know you may be interested in him…IF he’s interested in you too.  Here are five suggestions on what to say to a guy when you’re not sure how he feels but you like him.

1. Start by having a casual and laid back conversation like:

I really liked this movie!  Or, did you see that one movie?  Or, I love Thai food!

In other words, something that lets him easily respond without any dating pressure.  Remember that in theory, texting is NOT about telling the guy how you feel.  Save all that stuff for in person, much later in the relationship.  Texting should be fun and make him feel at ease chatting with you about whatever.

2. Avoid statements but encourage interaction with open-ended questions. Like:

Do you have ?  Or have you ever eaten at Tom’s Diner?

If you constantly text statements, he may get the feeling this is a one-sided conversation and that you’re trying too hard.  So mix statements (usually emotive, as in you’re excited to be doing something!) with open-ended questions.  Questions that can’t be answered with a yes or no.  Encourage him to speak freely by keeping the question vague.  In other words, don’t say “HEY” or “HELLO” and wait for them to start the conversation.

3. Test him by saying something personal (but dignified) about yourself and see how he responds. Like:

Favorite moment?  I remember sitting on the beach and watching the sunset, thinking I never want this moment to end.

Or talk about how you like to go wine tasting or horseback riding.  Or talk about your favorite romance-comedy movie scene, or something to that effect.

The point is, start a personal conversation and see if he goes with it and responds in detail or if he backs off like he’s seen a ghost.  This is the quickest way to determine if he’s into you (because guys who like you will want you to share personal details).  Don’t choose any taboo topics or anything that might scare him away.  Just dignified personal chat.

Chances are, if you sensed an initial attraction with him and he gave you his number he does like you.  So if he seems hesitant to ask you out, let him feel comfortable by talking about your personal life and letting him know you’re a very special friend.  You might even talk about an event in town to see if he seems interested in going.

4. Stay calm and resist becoming a texting bully. It’s better to let the conversation fade, give him a few days, and start a new one later if necessary. 

Because “text aggression” is a huge turn off for guys who are hoping to hang out with the cool, calm and collected you and don’t want to feel awkward when he gets messages like “You never answered me” or “Good morning!  How was your night?” or “I didn’t hear from you last weekend”.

“I guess I’m boring you or something.”

“Look forward to our next chat!”

I mean what’s a guy supposed to say to passive aggressive comments like that?  All of these examples are expressions of feelings—negative feelings.  They are nothing a guy wants to deal with.

A texting relationship should not be stressful.  Think of a text conversation like a game of catch; one player tosses the ball, the other catches.  But in the meantime, you wait.  You remain calm and remember how light-hearted and stress free this game of catch is.

5. Remember details he shares and let him know you care about his life. Like:

How did your audition go?  Or You said you got a haircut!  How is it?  Pic!

This shows that you care about him and take an interest in his life.  This stuff is pretty easy to pinpoint, especially if you’re friends on his public social media page.  The difference here is that you’re being a friend, taking an interest in his life without being a clingy girlfriend or “stalker” who’s hyper-texting him every minute.

Remember to stay calm and treat texting as casually and cool as you might treat a conversation in person.  No man wants a girlfriend who monopolizes the conversation, makes passive aggressive comments or says a bunch of possessive things.  If you wouldn’t say it to his face, don’t text it!

Texting is a great way to communicate but your goal should be to save the heartfelt romantic stuff for in person conversations.  Work your way up to a date by showing interest in his life but keeping things relaxed.  Soon enough, he may decide to invite you somewhere to hang out and that’s where the magic happens.

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About The Author

Matthew Coast

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