What I want to know is who decided that saying “I love you” was such a terrible thing? Years ago, “I love you” was a romantic thing to say. It was a romantic gesture, a promise, the grand moment of a lifetime. But nowadays, it seems like being emotional and saying what you feel, namely “I love you”, is the worst play in the dating book for both men and women.
No wonder then that there’s this unspoken game both sexes play, where one waits for the other to “cave” and say it first…as if one person wins and the other person loses. In fact, there was even a horror movie a few years ago that had a female alien-demon creature murder her male victims all the while using the creepy line “I like you!” (The perfect satire for what all men fear? Perhaps…)
Don’t worry, there IS a time and a place for everything. And I don’t believe that you should go through life never assuring your man of how you feel. If you carry that attitude around all the time, eventually he’s going to feel neglected.
But before we discuss the scenarios in which saying “I love you” is okay, let’s discuss why we’re all so afraid to say it.
Why The Taboo About I Love You?
Without going into a giant essay about what love is and why we’re all so afraid of it, let’s just discuss the key issue. We’re not resistant to the idea of falling in love. We just want to find it on our own terms. We want to learn first…the kind of love we want and don’t want. We want to feel love and true compatibility and not just pretend as if we’re happy because we’re making our friends and family happy. We want the relationship with our loved one to grow. If has to be something real, something earned.
The problem comes when people want love from us without earning it. It’s why women say no to creepy guys who propose on the first date or who call them ten times a day. And it’s why a man usually says no to a woman if she is aggressive and says “I love you” first – because she’s impulsively saying it, but not making sure the man has felt a strong emotional connection with her.
Without the MUTUAL connection, the love will never feel real or emotionally intense. It will always feel as if one party is pressuring the other one, and the one party is just feeling pity. To stop this terrible dynamic, a woman must exercise self-control and NOT say “I love you” until she’s very sure that a strong emotional connection has already occurred.
And even when that happens, it’s just as important to be careful about the way you say “I love you.” Remember these tips:
1. If you’re in doubt, don’t tell him you love him. Wait until you’re sure and he’s emotionally involved with you.
If you feel strongly attracted to him but can’t actually pinpoint why you love him, it’s definitely too early to even think about words like love. If he seems only interested in you as a sex partner, it’s definitely too early (or too late) for you to mention love now. When you’re actually in love, that love is reciprocated. You sense that he feels the same way. He seems just as nervous to talk about it as you do. He fears the loss as much as you do.
2. You can say it when you no longer fear each other’s reaction.
When you first meet someone you like you’re always a little edgy. You either want to make them laugh, make them feel attraction, or at the very least evoke some emotion out of them. But you always have that fear, that feeling of instability that characterizes the new relationship. It’s always best not to blurt out anything about love (even if you FEEL it) until that fear of upsetting the other person disappears. This requires a longer time investment so that trust between the two of you can grow, at least several dates and preferably several months—if not more.
3. If you’re really in love, you don’t have to say it during an emotional time. Wait until the feeling is balanced with logic and good timing.
What often happens is that one person says “I love you” before, during, or after sex, or when she’s feeling depressed or impulsive, or when she’s going through times of high stress, or when she wants to “reward” her partner with something big. While saying “I love you” DOES become an emotional experience when you reveal your true feelings, there is no reason to let emotion dictate to you when you should tell him.
Before you ever think of telling him such a thing, make sure that intimacy between the two of you is increasing, physically and emotionally. You both crave being in each other’s company. There’s a certain weight that lifts when you are in each other’s arms. It’s never a mystery as to how he’s feeling or if he’s going to be moody towards you today.
4. You’re not just in love with their best side…you still love them even at their very worst.
Real love requires self-sacrifice and sense of inner happiness BEFORE you actually meet them and make a commitment. A real love connection doesn’t “complete” a person, but simply makes them both happier together in each other’s company.
While it’s easy to love someone on their best day, it is a true test of love and compatibility if you can stick by them on their worst day—and without complaining, guilting them about it, or mumbling under your breath.
Things are going to get rough in the future and you will have bad days, nasty arguments and stressful times. But if you’ve already experienced that with your partner and still love him even with his flaws, then telling him “I love you” is not going to scare him away. He’s going to realize how important you are to him, how you’re always there for him, and how one of a kind you really are.
On the other hand, if you just assume you’re going to have bad times but will pull through because of your great love for each other (but have never actually had a bad argument, terrible day or even a bad week) then beware. You really may need some life experience before you can use words like “love” and “lifetime commitment”.
Love really is about learning, suffering, and most of all, forgiving each other in a spirit of compromise and appreciation. If you have that special kind of relationship going on with your partner, it’s not a big risk to say “I love you.” Because you already say it in spirit, each day, with the little romantic things you do for each other.
The 5 Word Phrase That Destroys a Man’s Love For You And Drives Him Out Of Your Life
There’s a simple 5 word phrase that will destroy any man’s love for you and drive him out of your life completely…
It usually comes out as an honest question when you want to connect with him…
But only serves to push him away and slowly kill your relationship from the inside out…
It can take a man who is filled with love and passion for you…
And make him feel cold, distant, and uninterested…
Have you figured out what it is yet?
Many women send this as a text message when they’re feeling insecure…
And then are confused why he suddenly pulls away and disappears completely…
Most of the women who ask it don’t even know how harmful it is…
Yet it can take a relationship that seems like it’s perfect…
A relationship where you feel loved, cared for, and like you’ve finally found “the one”…
And overnight, it can tear that relationship apart…
Leaving you confused, frustrated, and heartbroken…
If you don’t know what this simple yet seemingly innocent question is…
I want you to stop what you’re doing and go watch this video presentation that I put together for you at the link below…
Click here to watch the video now <<
My name is Matthew Coast and I’ve been teaching in the dating industry on since 2005…
I’ve helped hundreds of thousands of women, all over the world…
Get into relationships where they feel loved, seen, and cherished by the men they’re with…
When you click the link this link right here <<
I show you what this 5 word phrase is…
I’ll teach you about why men pull away, how to stop it from happening…
And how to attract the man you want…
Into a relationship where you’re loved and adored and treated like a priority…
No matter how painful things have been in your past…
You can attract a great man and have a great relationship…
Just click the link on your screen and the watch the video right now…
If you’re struggling with men pulling away from you…
If you’re tired of giving everything to a relationship and only being taken for granted…
And if you’re ready to have a man see you as a woman that he wants to be with forever…
