Here’s a question from a woman in our community:
Matthew I got engaged last Sunday and I don’t know what to do . I told my fiance we should live together before we get married he acts like he don’t want to move in together . He don’t want me to talk to other guys now . I. Worried he ain’t telling me every thing. I don’t know what to do.
We been seeing each other for 2 years we only see each other on weekend. He used to let me talk to other guys but since we got engaged everything has changed he don’t want me talking to guys or going out by myself .
My fiance seems to be different since he ask me to marry him . I don’t talk to other guys I don’t do anything now except go to work . I ask him why he doesn’t want me to move in he said we have to be married first . He wants to get married July 4 of this year I don’t know what to do .
I was cheated on before I don’t believe in cheating I also found out today he has 2 last names he goes by.
Thanks for the question. It sounds like you’re in a very challenging situation.
Its normal to question whether this is right for you. Its also normal for him to want to make sure that you don’t screw anything up. If you want this to work out, you need to make sure you’re communicating with each other.
I think you need more information about what’s going on before you make a decision. I don’t necessarily think you should hold the marriage unless you really think he’s not telling you everything. I think you should listen to your intuition and make sure that the man you’re going to marry is the person that he has been showing to you.
It sounds like you need to have a few conversations with him about who he is and what’s going on with him. The relationships and marriages that I’ve seen which are the most successful are based around transparency.
That means that you need to have some conversations around topics which might not be very comfortable to have with each other. Some of those topics might be…
Why he has two last names, what other things that might be important that he’s keeping from you, what’s going on with his financial situation (I know too many people who thought the guy they were with was financially secure only to find out he was broke and in major debt and the government took money from HER because they’re now married), kids, career paths, expectations about money, etc.
And if he’s not wiling to have these conversations or you feel like you’re still missing something, that’s when you should hold off on the marriage and find someone who you feel you can trust. There’s also an option of getting a background check done on him if you’re really that worried and concerned but still feel like you might want to continue on with it. There are plenty of companies which specialize in doing these kinds of checks for women who are specifically in your situation.
Just make sure you aren’t rushing into things and make sure you know who you’re marrying. I know too many women who get married simply because someone asked them… not because it’s what they want to do. Don’t be one of those women.