My guy falls in the doesn’t want a commitment category. I’ve been seeing him for 15 months. We go out to dinner, hang out, and have sex. We always have a good time and at times it seems he wants more but it never happens. He’s met a few of my friends but I have met none of his. When we meet its always last minute. He usually texts, sometimes calls. Never calls me by my name and sometimes doesn’t answer my texts for days. Why after all this time is he still around?

Relationship Questions and AdviceCategory: CommitmentMy guy falls in the doesn’t want a commitment category. I’ve been seeing him for 15 months. We go out to dinner, hang out, and have sex. We always have a good time and at times it seems he wants more but it never happens. He’s met a few of my friends but I have met none of his. When we meet its always last minute. He usually texts, sometimes calls. Never calls me by my name and sometimes doesn’t answer my texts for days. Why after all this time is he still around?
Anonymous asked 2 years ago
1 Answers
Matthew Coast answered 2 years ago

Hi, thanks for the great question.
 
The reason he’s still around is because YOU allow him to be around. The best way to understand this is to make an attempt to think about it from a guy’s perspective.
 
Let’s say that you’re a guy who has some emotionally baggage (which he probably does or he’d probably be much more interested in a real relationship).
 
You wake up and think to yourself, “I really don’t want a real relationship because that means I have to get my mind and emotions together and I’d much rather just avoid that. But I do want sex and some intimacy because it makes me feel better about myself.”
 
Then he finds a woman who allows him to stay broken and avoid a real relationship but will still let him have sex with her and whatever intimacy he feels comfortable with… Now, he NEVER has to grow up and work on his emotional baggage because he’s getting EVERYTHING he wants from a relationship without actually being in one!
 
And in the short term, that’s just much easier. Sure, he probably knows you want something more but you’re allowing this to happen so he probably thinks there’s a part of you that is totally okay with it.
 
Otherwise, you’d get out of it, right? Or at least, find something else that’s more suited to what you want.
 
Look: if you want a commitment, stop dating guys who don’t. Understand this: A guy can date a woman for years or even decades without ever wanting to go to the next level and commit…
 
So if you date a man who doesn’t want a commitment, you’re setting yourself up for a casual, “friend with benefits” type relationship that lasts FOREVER.
 
To men, friend with benefits isn’t a stage between meeting a woman and marriage. If you want something more, you need to set some boundaries. You need to decide that you’re only going to get into a relationship that has the possibility of going somewhere.
 
This one does not. At least not in the way it is currently setup. My suggestion is to GET OUT of the relationship. Stop letting him use you as a way to get his emotional and sexual needs met while avoiding something real.
 
Go find a guy who wants something deeper. And value yourself enough to settle for nothing less.