Matt, I need your help. so basically there's a guy I've been working with for a few years. We always got on very well…anyway to cut a long story short he brought up the fact that we should try a friends with benefits situation. spent the night at his place he was super affectionate cuddled. asked me to sleep over even though we weren't going to have sex. was cuddly the next morning. I kept pulling away as I thought the affectionate thing would confuse the situation. hen it all went south. He said that he doesn't feel right about the friends with benefits thing because it feels like he's using me. He said that I'm not ready for a relationship and neither is he. so we left it there but now he's really awkward. avoids me, looks a little upset. I don't really understand this. nothing happened so it should be easy to go back to being just friends right. It's been 2 weeks and he's still acting awkward. so I got annoyed n he didn't seem to like the idea. He won't speak to me in person so it's difficult to have a convo with him. I basically sent him a message saying that I wish things could go back to normal now. I don't see the point of us avoiding and ignoring each other for ever and asked if he just needed space. We work together so I would be appreciative if things could be ok. ppl at work are starting to take notice. what should I do in this scenario. I care about him n he's a good friend don't want to cut him out of my life completely. If he doesn't want anything more that fine. I can get over that. But i don't know what to make of his behaviour

Relationship Questions and AdviceCategory: Breakup RecoveryMatt, I need your help. so basically there's a guy I've been working with for a few years. We always got on very well…anyway to cut a long story short he brought up the fact that we should try a friends with benefits situation. spent the night at his place he was super affectionate cuddled. asked me to sleep over even though we weren't going to have sex. was cuddly the next morning. I kept pulling away as I thought the affectionate thing would confuse the situation. hen it all went south. He said that he doesn't feel right about the friends with benefits thing because it feels like he's using me. He said that I'm not ready for a relationship and neither is he. so we left it there but now he's really awkward. avoids me, looks a little upset. I don't really understand this. nothing happened so it should be easy to go back to being just friends right. It's been 2 weeks and he's still acting awkward. so I got annoyed n he didn't seem to like the idea. He won't speak to me in person so it's difficult to have a convo with him. I basically sent him a message saying that I wish things could go back to normal now. I don't see the point of us avoiding and ignoring each other for ever and asked if he just needed space. We work together so I would be appreciative if things could be ok. ppl at work are starting to take notice. what should I do in this scenario. I care about him n he's a good friend don't want to cut him out of my life completely. If he doesn't want anything more that fine. I can get over that. But i don't know what to make of his behaviour
Anonymous asked 2 years ago

1 Answers
Matthew Coast answered 2 years ago

It sounds like the guy has some issues he needs to deal with. There’s not a whole lot that you can do about that. If he’s unwilling to communicate with you at all, you really don’t have much to work with.
 
And as much as you care for him as a friend, the more you play into this whole thing where he ignores you at work and keeps his distance and won’t speak to you… the more he’ll feel like that’s something he can do to make you give him more attention and show a deeper level of interest in him (its possible he’s doing that to get you to show that you care).
 
It’s also possible that he simply has some of his own insecurities/issues and you may have triggered those deep rooted issues by rejecting his overly affectionate advances towards you. But even here, there’s really not much that you can do about it. He needs to go through some healing work and deal with his own issues like a grown up adult otherwise people will have to baby him for the rest of his life.
 
If I were you, I’d look at this as a major red flag and avoid having any more physically intimate encounters with him. Dating at work is hard… but just so you don’t feel alone, studies on the subject have shown that over 35% of people have office relationships because so many people are spending so much time at work these days.
 
And from my own personal experiences of dating people at work, this is what I have to say about it… Unless you think he’s “the one”… avoid dating people at work at all costs. It’s way too much drama, people will get to know more about your personal life there than you want them to, and whenever you have a problem, awkwardness ALWAYS comes out of it.
 
The best thing you can do is act like there’s nothing going on and that he’s just being weird for reasons that you don’t really understand (which is mostly true). Be professional and respectful when people ask you about him and avoid making it any more weird than he already is doing.
 
If you act super cool and like you don’t understand why he’s acting weird, most of the people should back off and just write it off as him being a weirdo. But if you act weird too… that’s when the drama and rumors will start getting worse and worse.
 
That’s my 2 cents on office relationships.