Ive met a really awesome guy. We both had bad marriages and decided that a serious relationship is out of the question. That was 5 months ago. We are really good friends however every now and he backs off completely. My only assumption is thst he might start having feelings for me and that he is scared to get involved in a relationship. Im hesitant to ask him about it because im afraid that will push him away. At this stage he is ignoring my messages. We have been in contact everyday except when he gets like this. Any suggestionst?

Relationship Questions and AdviceCategory: CommitmentIve met a really awesome guy. We both had bad marriages and decided that a serious relationship is out of the question. That was 5 months ago. We are really good friends however every now and he backs off completely. My only assumption is thst he might start having feelings for me and that he is scared to get involved in a relationship. Im hesitant to ask him about it because im afraid that will push him away. At this stage he is ignoring my messages. We have been in contact everyday except when he gets like this. Any suggestionst?
Anonymous asked 2 years ago
1 Answers
Matthew Coast answered 2 years ago

Hi, thanks for the question.
 
First, I’d just like to say that there are a lot of different reasons why a guy might back completely for a little while… and depending on how long he’s doing it, he may not even think he’s backing off.
 
If you have a different idea of what a relationship should look like than he does, you may think there’s something going on with him and he might just be doing what he normally does.
 
So, for example… one of the reasons might back off is that he has work that he needs to focus on. For him, he thinks about his work and getting it done… for you, you think there’s something wrong and he’s backing off because of it. But he doesn’t see it that way at all.
 
This is important because if you talk to him about it and you come from the mindset that there’s something wrong with him… even if there’s nothing wrong, he’s going to start thinking there is something wrong… but not with him… with you.
 
So, instead, come to it with a mindset of curiosity. You can either wait until he gets back into contact with you or just do it now if you want to… honestly, I don’t think it really matters much since you “aren’t serious” and he’s already ignoring you.
 
Then ask him what’s been going on and what’s he’s been up to lately, since you haven’t heard from him (I suggest doing this over the phone or in person, text messages get messy and confusing). Once you ask him, just let him answer… don’t come up with reasons for him. Don’t ask him if it’s one thing or another… just ask him what it is and silently sit there and let him tell you the reason(s).
 
I hope he tells you something good. I don’t typically work with women who don’t want committed relationships because relationships that are “not serious” are really messy and most of the time the woman ends up getting heart broken. But I hope he tells you something good. Good luck!