I've been seeing a guy almost a yr i fell in love with him we talk every day and he's told mutual friends that we are dating we go on dates often! but i found out he's married he says it's not good and he's tried to make it work out i even quite texting and talking for 3 months then we started talking again and going on lunch dates! !i asked him why don't he just divorce her and he said if he left now he would lose half his pension and pay child support for the one kid left at home and have to pay alimony! he tells me I'm a important part of his life and loves me !I'm i wrong to feel totally drawn and so in love with him ? we are both in bad relationships! i have been dating other guy's but i get sick inside because i feel I'm cheating on him i haven't told him I've kept the revolving door open or how seeing other guy's makes me feel! what should i do? ????

Relationship Questions and AdviceCategory: General Dating QuestionI've been seeing a guy almost a yr i fell in love with him we talk every day and he's told mutual friends that we are dating we go on dates often! but i found out he's married he says it's not good and he's tried to make it work out i even quite texting and talking for 3 months then we started talking again and going on lunch dates! !i asked him why don't he just divorce her and he said if he left now he would lose half his pension and pay child support for the one kid left at home and have to pay alimony! he tells me I'm a important part of his life and loves me !I'm i wrong to feel totally drawn and so in love with him ? we are both in bad relationships! i have been dating other guy's but i get sick inside because i feel I'm cheating on him i haven't told him I've kept the revolving door open or how seeing other guy's makes me feel! what should i do? ????
Anonymous asked 2 years ago

1 Answers
Matthew Coast answered 2 years ago

Well, you don’t have to do anything. I’m not here to give you moral judgments on your behaviors. I’m here to help you get into a committed, healthy relationship.
 
The fact is that you’re currently dating someone who is committed to SOMEONE ELSE. If you don’t mind being secondary to his wife for the rest of your life, there’s nothing particularly wrong with that.
 
You just need to decide if that’s a situation that you’re willing to live with. The fact is that men can be in love with more than one person at a time. There are some men out there who will constantly date and fall in love with other women WHILE they’re married to someone else.
 
But until he gets a divorce, you’re an affair. It doesn’t matter if he says he’s dating you or not. If you want him to get married to you one day or be committed to you, he’ll have to divorce his wife. And if you’re allowing him to have everything with you WHILE he’s still married to her, what incentive does he have to divorce her?
 
The answer is that he doesn’t have any incentive. And it’s unlikely that he’s going to divorce her unless you decide that a part of the agreement for the two of you being in a relationship is that he has to be single. Until then, he’s not YOUR boyfriend. He’s not YOUR man. You’re HIS affair.
 
My suggestion is that if you want a REAL relationship, you find a man who at least has the ability to commit to you at some point in his life… not some guy who’s using you on the side while he has someone else he’s committed to.