How do i get him to want to be with me more?

Relationship Questions and AdviceCategory: CommitmentHow do i get him to want to be with me more?
Kelli asked 8 months ago

My situation is unique, its been almost a year him and I have known each other. We see each other when it fits both our schedules, which is every month or so. Today was a bad day and no one was around to talk , text or just to get a hug from. He texted me back saying he was busy and I do know the dilemma he has with business. Thing is he didn\’t say anything like I\’m sorry to hear that or acknowledge my feelings. That was in the early afternoon. Much later in the evening I wasn\’t sure if he would text me to see how I was doing. So I texted him and asked him how his evening is and received nothing. If I don\’t text him I don\’t know if he\’ll ever text me and I am scared that this person whom I really connected with very deeply, which is extremely rare for me because I am super picky. I have no idea if he just humors me and then tries to ignore me. I don\’t know what more to say or how to communicate with him without coming across desperate or needy. The longest I pulled away was almost 2 months. Im afraid that he thinks I\’m not relationship material and all he ever wants me for is when he wants sex. And yes, its great. He\’s more than that to me and I have communicated that. At this point, I don\’t know what my next step is. And I am trying hard to give him space, and be patient and go with the flow. What do I do? 

1 Answers
Tabitha Pratt answered 7 months ago

Kelli,
This is a super sad situation yet I see it so often!
The biggest correction that needs to be made honey, is you need to quit having sex with him. Right away! You should explain that you have connected with him deeply and you know that you deserve to have that connection reciprocated. Further, You feel that you didn\’t give yourself, nor him, nor any shot at a relationship by sleeping with him without a commitment. All in all, the majority of the responsibility does not fall on his shoulders. He is treated you not like \” relationship material\” because you have not shown him that you are relationship material.
Clearly this man is not emotionally invested in you, and this tends to happen with guys and the females they sleep with, they literally take no responsibility for them. Generally, only males have casual sex, so you are showing up as a fully capable ‘male’ who is responsible for herself and her own feelings- bad day and all. I believe that you already know this to be true, but now you are attached to him. It is vital that your own self- love kick in here. It could take a long time to get him ” out of your system”. Explain the above, stop having sex, step back, let him know you would be open to dating with no sexual contact, give him space to think it over, do not contact him until he comes correct. This will be a challenge! Get your girlfriends and family to support you during this time. Try to open yourself up to going out with other males. Any male who asks you will due in the interim.
I feel for you, but I know this one well. There is light at the end of the tunnel dear heart.
 
much love