hi Matthew thanks for all your good advice.If I like a guy and I suspect he likes me too and seems attracted to me but haven:t asked me on a date does that mean that he's not into me?Also he just found out that I m moving away to a different town in a month's time 4 hours driving away from where he lives.I only met him a month ago.Could me moving away spoil my chances with him and how do I let him know I'm interested in him without seeming desperate?

Relationship Questions and AdviceCategory: General Dating Questionhi Matthew thanks for all your good advice.If I like a guy and I suspect he likes me too and seems attracted to me but haven:t asked me on a date does that mean that he's not into me?Also he just found out that I m moving away to a different town in a month's time 4 hours driving away from where he lives.I only met him a month ago.Could me moving away spoil my chances with him and how do I let him know I'm interested in him without seeming desperate?
Anonymous asked 3 years ago
1 Answers
Matthew Coast answered 3 years ago

Hi,
 
I’m glad you’re enjoying the advice that I provide here. Your question actually has multiple parts to it. I’m going to address the two biggest parts to your question.
 
1. How to let a guy know you’re interested without seeming desperate.
 
Letting a guy know you’re interested is very important to any beginning relationship. If you don’t let him know you’re interested, it’s very possible that he won’t pursue you because he doesn’t want to invest in you and end up in the friend’s zone.
 
The problem is that guys don’t take hints. If you want him to know that you’re interested, you have to be direct and blunt about it.
 
The only reason someone comes off as desperate when they tell a guy they’re interested is because they’re attached to what the guy does next. And this comes across in your body language, your vocal tone, and the words you say.
 
The best way I’ve seen to counteract this is to talk about how you feel from the feelings themselves instead of talking through your feelings. Here’s what I mean…
 
If you’re talking through your feelings and you’re feeling desperate, you’re going to constantly worry about how he feels, feel like you’re dependent on how he responds, and you’ll push for him to do what you want him to do.
 
If you’re talking about your how you feel from the feelings themselves you’re not dependent on anything. All you’re doing is expressing yourself. In your situation, you might say something like this…
 
“I know I haven’t said anything about this before but I’m attracted to you (or I like you or something like that). If you asked me out, I’d love to get to know you better.”
 
Here you’re expressing how you feel and inviting him to invest in you and take the masculine role in the potential relationship. You don’t look needy or desperate and you’re not dependent on what he does.
 
There’s also no way for him to misinterpret this. He knows what he needs to do and you’ve basically asked him to do it.
 
But there’s another problem that concerns me here…
 
2. Long distance relationships are extremely challenging
 
If you talk to anyone in a long distance relationship, especially someone who is a couple hours or more away from each other, these relationships are extremely challenging.
 
I’m not saying that you can’t do it. They’re just very difficult. You both have to be very dedicated to the relationship. And it’s going to be hard to build the foundation for the relationship if you live so far apart from each other.
 
You moving away could certainly spoil his chances of wanting something long term with you. And since he only has a month to invest in the relationship, it’s going to be hard for him to justify a four hour driving distance between you and only date you during that time.
 
You can ask anyone in our community about long distance relationships if you want. They rarely work out because of how challenging they are to stay committed to.
 
How often are you going to see each other? Who’s going to go to who? How are you going to work out problem when you live so far away from each other? Will you miss red flags since he lives so far away from you and since you may only be seeing the side of him that he wants you to see?
 
There are a lot of issues that need to be worked out especially since the relationship will be so new. You have to decide whether its going to be worth it and he has to be at least on board with it as much as you are.