Is he being sincere or am I accepting crumbs from a table?

Relationship Questions and AdviceCategory: General Dating QuestionIs he being sincere or am I accepting crumbs from a table?
Anonymous asked 2 years ago

THE GUY i AM SEEING IS A BUSINESSMAN AND EXTREMELY BUSY AND OFCOURSE TIME SPENT TOGETHER IS NOT A LOT. I EXPRESSED HOW I FELT AND ONE OF THE THINGS I ASKED HIM IS HOW HE WOULD FEEL IF I SAID I WAS TOO BUSY FOR HIM. HE DIDN’T ANSWER. HOWEVER, HE HAS STARTED COMMUNICATING A BIT MORE WITH ME AND YESTERDAY HE EXPLAINED TO ME ALL HIS STRESSES BOTH PERSONAL AND BUSINESS THAT HE IS GOING THROUGH. IT IS MAJOR AND CAN SEE HE IS VERY STRESSED. I ASKED HIM HOW I COULD HELP AND HE SAID HE KNOWS I CAN’T PHYSICALLY HELP HIM BUT IS TELLING ME BECAUSE HE WANTS ME TO KNOW WHAT IS GOING AND TO UNDERSTAND. HE SAID TO ME HE WOULD RATHER SPEND 15 MINUTES WITH ME THAN NOT AT ALL.  I WAS TAKEN A BACK AND DID’NT KNOW WHAT TO SAY. I NEED A MALES PERSPECTIVE HERE AS TO SINCERITY OR AM I ACCEPTING CRUMBS FROM A TABLE.
PLEASE HELP

1 Answers
Matthew Coast answered 2 years ago

Hi,
 
Thanks for the question. He’s probably being sincere. Men have a primal drive that a lot of women don’t fully understand.
 
We have a need and a drive to provide a certain lifestyle for the woman we’re with and the eventual family that we have. And even if the woman we’re with the and family that we have doesn’t need us to provide for them, we still feel that it is our job to do so.
 
And for some men, that means they need to spend a lot of time working in order to build themselves to the point where they can meet those expectations that they place on themselves. There’s little to nothing that you can do to take that expectation away.
 
The question you need to ask is this… Are you willing to accept the little amount of time he has for you until he overcomes whatever he needs to overcome in order to have more time for you?
 
And you may want to ask him how long he thinks it will take until he has more time for you. Because it may be weeks. It may be months. And it may be years until he’s at that point.
 
If you’re not willing to accept how little time he has for you now then you need to find yourself another man to be with. If you can accept it and you think he’s being sincere about how long it will take him to have more time for you, then stay with him for that allotted amount of time.
 
I don’t think he’s lying to you. From what it sounds like, he probably does have a lot going on and needs to deal with whatever it is. The question you need to figure out is whether you’re willing to wait until he’s got things back together and how long it is going to take him to get there.
 
– Matt