Hi Tabitha, I’m cultivating a connection with a man who embodies many desirable heart traits, character & qualities I’m looking for. He”s attentive, emotionally open & available & consistent. I can tell he’s really keen. My issue is that, despite all his lovely, desirable qualities, I’m not physically / sexually attracted to him at this stage. I’ve made it clear that I’m happy for us to be friends. He’s happy to go along with this. Can attraction grow over time? I’d like some frame of reference around this. Should I wait for the ‘whole package’ or continue exploring our connection to see if a spark of attraction arises? I am 51 yo and returning to dating after some time out & a few unsuccessful experiences.
Welcome back to the dating pool! It can be really fun here!
In my experience, a successful relationship must have Chemistry, Connection, Compatibilty (to some degree), and Communication (non-verbal counts here). Lustful attraction and chemical highs only last the first two years anyway.
What really concerns me is the words that you used to describe him are all feminine in nature; “emotionally open”, “heart traits”, “available”, “attentive”, “lovely qualites” (“consistent” is masculine). I can see why you might not be sexually attracted to him!! There seems to be no polarity between the two of you. Sexual polarity is like the two poles of a magnet, one is positve and one is negative thus creating ultimate attraction and bonding. Now, sexual polarity does not always have to be present in intimacy, but it definitely helps for PASSION. You can love someone and not have sexual polarity. To some people, as we get older, this is not as important. We might have to explore your core energy and masculine and feminine energies a bit more. In the meantime, My questions for you are as follows; does he add value to your life? What are your top three qualites that you look for in a male? Are you settling because you are afraid a better man won’t come along? What is he missing in your eyes?
For me, if there is zero chemistry, I do not waste time. If you decide that he is not the one for you, then please let him go to someone who can appreciate him as “a whole package”. The sooner the better here.
I look forward to hearing from you, and I hope this helps!
Thanks so much Tabitha! Yes, I agree with your comments and had already considered the issue of polarity required to spark passion. In this instance, I do sense that there’s insufficient polarity. It is as it is! And it cannot really be changed readily. His friendship is of value to me and he does embody many of the key qualities I’m looking for (in a partner or good friend). So it seems we remain as friends whilst we both continue to quest for our beloveds.
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