Breakup

Kelly asked 2 months ago

i was in a relationship for nearly a year.  Everything had been going well…we always got along, never had an argument, had amazing chemistry, etc.  We are both divorced with children so wanted to take things slow.  Around January I had asked him if he would have any interest in meeting each other’s children.  He pointed out I had already met his oldest which was true but I meant all of the kids meeting each other.  He said sure but I could tell there was hesitation in his voice.  We had been together about 10 months at that point and had already met each other’s friends.
Over the course of about two months, he became pretty distant, wouldn’t make plans with me, etc.  Then he sent me a text about 3 weeks ago and told me he only wanted to be friends.  I was pretty devastated.  Not only because of the breakup but couldn’t believe he was doing it via text.
i immediately started the no contact rule.  I did not beg or plead for him to come back to me.  Eight days later, he texted asking how I was.  I ignored it for about 1.5 days then just replied simply that I was fine, hope he was as well and to take care.  He then immediately replied saying that he hoped we could remain friends.  I ignored it.  The next day he sent me a link to a Christian song about holding on and never letting go.  I am so confused!  I asked him what he wants from me and he replied with “just friendship”.  That song has nothing to do with being friends.
Does it sound like he’s playing games or could it be that he’s just not sure what he wants?  I know he’s already dating.  I’m just so confused. I have decided not to initiate any further contact with him.
 
 

1 Answers
Tabitha Pratt answered 2 months ago

Hi Kelly!
Thank you for sharing your situation! I am sorry that you are going through this with him, and I fully understand how confused you feel.
I am super proud of you for implementing the No Contact Rule! I love it! You are already steps ahead of others in this area. 🙂  Please feel good for that one!
Let’s not label this guy as someone who is playing games, he may simply be confused too. If you attempted to move the relationship forward (by asking that the children meet each other), he may have felt your leading energy and it turned him off. I know that you have reasons for pushing this subject, which probably had more to do with you being scared that he was not committing to you in your time frame then it did with the children meeting. These energies (masculine/feminine) can be very subtle. It does not appear that you had a committed relationship with him in the first place, so here is another possible cause; he only considered you a FWB (friend with benefits). Unfortunately, both of these do not get you what you want; him and commitment.
Males say what they mean. You must believe him. If he is saying “Friendship”, than he means it. In general, men are not like women (we don’t always say what we mean). 
Based on this, here is the question that you may want to ask yourself; are you OK with just being friends? If the answer is no, then let him know that you are looking for a husband (or commitment) and are not interested in friendship. If he changes his mind, he may contact you, and if you are available, you would entertain him.
Use this is the future as well, and it will help you weed out the males who are not ready for what you are ready for! 
P.S. – Keep your knees closed without commitment first!
 
Love you!