Why are men so distant sometimes?
Yeah, it’s definitely not just your imagination when you notice how hot and cold he can be sometimes. One minute he’s bonding with you, talking about your mutual attraction, it feels like things are going well…
And then all of a sudden, he clams up. Or he’s busy. Or maybe he even talks about dating someone else. It feels like a personal betrayal, doesn’t it?
Or is it possible that maybe some guys just need more interaction, more romance, more sexual tension BEFORE they take you seriously as real date potential?
It’s true – a lot of guys do mindlessly flirt around and they think nothing of it.
But it’s pretty hard on you, if you’re taking it seriously and he’s not.
But here’s what you do not want to do – get emotional, confrontational, or irrational about it. That’s guaranteed to push him away and make him think, “Yikes I better stop flirting with her. She takes things way too seriously.”
What I recommend doing then is beating him at his own game. If he wants to mindlessly flirt, but doesn’t want to “seriously date” then learn how to stimulate his emotional attraction to you.
The best way to do this is to start evoking some of his “love excitement hormones” so that he starts falling for you first.
What Love Hormones Are We Talking About?
Let’s not stall any longer – the three love hormones you’re aiming for are dopamine, adrenaline, and serotonin.
Dopamine is the chemical response that happens naturally after we do discover something we like. Dopamine is the “rewards” chemical so to speak. We essentially train ourselves to get even more excited when something pleasant comes along. Dopamine is the “instinct” response to positive stimuli, the “anticipation” of receiving the reward.
It’s not just mental after some time passes – it’s downright biological to crave the “reward.”
Next, we have adrenaline. This is the “fight or flight” reaction that helps us to survive difficult circumstances. It’s the same chemical we feel when we’re in conflict or trying to escape something. Now how in the world can you stimulate this hormone in a dating scenario?
It’s not that you’re manipulating negative fight or flight stuff or anxiety. It’s more like you’re activating his response to MOVE, RESPOND, DO, and TAKE ACTION. So it’s still a positive activation, just more along the lines of getting his emotions involved so that he instinctively takes action – rather than just thinking about it.
Finally, we have serotonin. This chemical basically solidifies your strong feelings and gets you addicted to the thing you want. Serotonin is the chemical that helps you determine your unique tastes, choices, preferences, and obsessions.
The obsession chemical is directly related to when you are deeply infatuated with a person, or obsessing about an idea, or really get addicted to anything that that you want – and are willing to do (almost) anything to get.
How to Affect the Three Love Hormones
The idea is that if you force a biological or instinctive response out of this “distant” man, he will have to give you more than just mindless flirting. If he’s distant right now it’s because his emotions are not quite stimulated enough. He needs to feel something more than physical, and more than just innocent flirting.
Let’s start with dopamine. If you want him to have a rewards-minded response to you, you must build a “trigger loop”. This simply means that you identify a signal that works with him (like joking around or talking about a common interest) and then you keep giving that to him every time you meet.
If flirting is too all over the place, narrowing the conversation down to the happy “trigger” is a good way to get his dopamine levels moving.
Next, you want to get his adrenaline going by showing him how happy, exciting, thrilling, and out-of-the-ordinary the relationship can be. Don’t keep him in a calm or low-conflict state of mind. Show him an exciting time, whether by choosing an exciting date location OR by doing things and saying things that get him excited.
The basic idea is that polite flirting and dating doesn’t do much for him, emotionally. Even sexual come-ons are limited compared to offering him regular adrenaline rushes! Think fun stuff! Unusual outings. Stuff that makes him go, “What are we doing? This is nuts!”
Finally, there’s serotonin, which is feeding his obsession. It’s not just about excitement or positive associations anymore. This time, you are showing him that you are the most comfortable and pleasurable source in his life.
He wants to be with you, near you, and constantly in your life because you are intensifying the feelings he has for you – but mainly the feelings he has about himself, as reflected through you.
Remember, a man doesn’t want to commit to a woman to fulfill her dreams or make her life perfect. He wants to find someone that brings out the best IN HIM. He wants to see you as the best thing in his life and the center of all that he wants in his life.
He will grow closer to you emotionally, the more he realizes that you make him happy – because you are everything he wants in a partner.
Study Him Like He’s a College Course
Now there is a lot more to say on this subject, obviously, given how complex these hormones are. But the basic idea is that you can identify triggers in him, and intensify his feelings for you with these triggers.
You do have to study him and take mental notes to “figure a guy out.” You can’t just assume he’s going to go gaga over you because he’s perfect for you.
It’s the other way around. He must sense that you are the answer to his dreams, his ideal fantasy turn glorious reality. Granted, it’s a challenge at times…
But if you’re devoted to him and truly love him you can do it. Be patient, learn his personality, and discover the triggers that make him fall in love.
I know you can do it and I’m ready to help you. Visit this link to learn more about my courses!
