How to Heal from a Break Up

It’s kind of a paradox to say, “I know how you feel” when someone is hurting after a breakup. Because almost EVERYONE has a tragic breakup story. It’s a universal experience. We all know the heartache of losing someone we thought we loved and having to restructure our entire life after facing reality.

At the same time, we don’t really know what it was like to have lived each other’s life, do we? We only know our own experience. I can’t claim to know your pain, or you mine. That’s why we always do find it annoying when someone says, “I know how you feel…but you’ll get over it.”

Well, we don’t all get over it the same way, or in the same timeframe. We are all very unique and individual personalities, and we need to grieve in our own way. That brings us to our first point.

1. Let yourself grieve…but put a limit on it.

You need to take time off. So don’t bother trying to go out there and date again, or travel the world, or take a new job in another city. Yes, in time, you will do all that. But for now, take some time off. Let yourself grieve and don’t fight it. Suppressing what you feel will only hurt more. You can use this time to rely on friends and family and watch old comfort shows or movies, which is always therapeutic. Give yourself a reasonable timeframe to grieve and then, step by step, move onward with your life.

2. It’s OK to avoid your ex…in fact, it’s recommended that you not be friends, at least not for now.

It’s tempting to stay friends with your ex, especially if they go all puppy dog eyes on you. But it’s really for the best that you separate yourself from your ex completely—meaning blocking him, not writing him and not calling him. Rebounding with your ex is a disastrous mistake. And seeing him move on and go about his daily routine on social media (or hearing gossip from a friend) will only make you miserable. It’s time to let him go. Give him the independence he needs and the independence you need to build yourself up again.

Remember, regardless of how the relationship ended, it’s important to forgive him and let go of the resentment. You don’t have to forget, you don’t have to trust him, obviously. But for your own peace of mind, forgive him for his weakness and walk away for good.

Don’t get sucked into the Hate Game and give him more drama, because frankly, a lot of guys just like that. They want a reaction out of you. They may even want to make you a friends with benefits. Don’t rise to that bait. Forgive them for the sake of self-preservation so that you can move on with no regrets.

3. Focus on looking good again. Welcome the attention from other men. Remind yourself that you’re gorgeous.

This means not only dressing the part but also getting back into shape. Exercise is not only the “sexy thing” to do, but is also the healthy thing to do. Working out regularly helps improve your moon with a release of endorphins, adrenaline, and even feel-good chemicals like serotonin and dopamine. It’s not just a line invented by a guy who likes skinny women. I promise you, working out makes you feel 100 times better by the first month you keep up the routine.

4. Submerse yourself in a new hobby, charity or career.

Now is not the time to jump into a rebound relationship. That’s just more drama and pain. For now, treat yourself. Learn a new hobby. Volunteer at your favorite benefit or charity. If you love your job, focus on career. These are the things that were impossible to do before, because your relationship took up so much time. Now you have the time and it’s something fun and exciting to cross off your bucket list.

5. Be extremely sociable.

It’s actually a better idea to just spend time around others, without the one-on-one pressure of dating. If you isolate yourself, you may fall into a depression. Spend time at local meet ups, local events, going to clubs with your BFFs, or even taking a vacation to somewhere you’ve always wanted to travel. There’s no need to rush into a relationship you’re not ready for…there are people all over the world, and we all need each other, sometimes just for a listening ear. Expand your circle of friends…don’t keep limiting yourself.

6. Think back to the person you were before the last relationship. You’ve forgotten so much, postponed so much. Re-learn who you are.

We really forget who we are sometimes, when we invest so much emotion in a relationship. We may even be blind to glaring signs of incompatibility with our ex, at least until we look back in hindsight and realize the error of our ways.

Don’t feel shame. Think of it as a mixed blessing. Something you had to learn the hard way but are still glad you learned. If you want to think about the relationship, don’t dwell on the negativity. Focus on what was right about it—what qualities in a partner that you desire and that you still want. Focus on where it went wrong and how it taught you to be more selective about dating certain types of men, like your ex.

You may discover that getting reacquainted with forgotten chapters in your life, in life, in career and even in dating, are all joyful experiences.

What helps a person get over someone? Realizing that their life has only just begun.

Real healing from a breakup can’t happen unless you find the joy in your life once again and fall in love – not with another guy, but with LIFE itself. See a world of new opportunity and feel excited to be single again, with nothing holding you back.

It’s time to challenge yourself and find a new Happily Ever After, one you never expected, but now at last deserve.

About The Author

Matthew Coast

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