How to Get Out of the Friend Zone with a Guy (And Have Him Chasing You)

Yes, women get friend-zoned too! It’s when you try your damndest to get a guy you like to notice you but he seems distant, weird and just “not getting it” when it comes to romance.

Your crush may friend-zone you before you have sex or even after. Unfortunately, once you’re kicked back into the zone, it’s very difficult to climb your way out of it.

Leaving the friend zone is like climbing out of the Bog of Eternal Stench, right? (Labyrinth anyone?)

We’re not going to lie…it’s not easy to change a man’s opinion of you once he determines you are not his type. If you ask, he’s going to feed you all these lines about how you’re like his little sister or how “I just don’t think we have a future” and yada yada.

BUT…there is a way to get out of the friend zone, even if you slept with the guy already and he lost interest, and even if he claims there’s no sexual attraction.

Let’s start with four “Must Do’s” to get his attention.

1. Reconsider your appearance.

Guys will often disqualify a woman as a romantic partner if her appearance is too platonic. For a change, start dressing in less casual clothing and reinvent yourself. Choose a new wardrobe, something that seems contrary to the fashion he came to associate you with. Don’t go by instinct – ask for some fashion advice on how to dress to accentuate your natural beauty with new clothes. Wear your new wardrobe with confidence! Don’t fidget or appear self-conscious. Own it and assume that every guy (including your crush) is going to want you.

Not only should you start dressing better (don’t dress for him, dress for other guys and get their attention in his presence) but you should also start getting into better shape and wowing him. It’s not necessarily that this guy you like wants a physically perfect woman – it’s just the idea of you transforming before his very eyes. He is witness to the “new you” and may not be sure what to make of it.

On one hand, he likes what he sees. But he’s still having difficulty reconciling his sexual feelings towards his “buddy.” Men also respond sexually to women who are happier, more active and have an active “glow” about them, that comes from better health. It also helps to study the hairstyles and makeup styles of women he likes to know how you can improve your appearance in his eyes.

2. Work on becoming happier and more successful in your life—without a man.

Too many women go for “cheap” – they try to make the man jealous by dating someone else. But this best thing to do is to actually show him (and everyone else) that you’re busier now and living a new life full of great experiences and new opportunities. Start advancing in your career or take up a passion that really speaks to you.

Not only will you be busier (and less accessible to him, which piques his ego) but you will also be showcasing your amazing life. He will be drawn not only to your personality (now constantly changing) but also all the great things you are doing to make the world a better place. He will be more attracted to you because of the successful woman you’ve become—a big difference from the “little girl” he knew before.

When you really enjoy what you do, you look better. You feel better. You project more confidence, which men find appealing…even challenging!

More importantly, becoming more self-confident prevents you from making the mistake of building your relationship all around your NEED. You feel lovesick, you need him. But when you focus on self-improvement you let go of that “need”. You no longer look to him to fill an emotional void in you. You don’t need him, you just prefer him.

The dynamic has changed. Now you are no longer the one chasing. You are stationary and it’s up to him to decide that he wants to chase you. What a shift in mood and attraction!

3. Learn to Master the “Right Look”.

Before your friend brings himself to make a move, he will try to read your signals. Don’t make it easy on him by flirting overtly or by gazing at him in love. Instead, maintain control of yourself and master the right look of “curiosity”. He will be looking at you to see if he can sense a mutual attraction. Your eyes, your face, will always convey “possibility…curiosity…slight interest in what he’s saying or thinking…” but NEVER give them the go ahead.

Your unwillingness to make the first move proves to him that the attraction is mostly on his end. His feelings have changed, but you remain just a close friend. He has to chase you to demonstrate how he feels and to convince himself that this is really HIS IDEA.

4. Start looking beyond him.

Right about the time where he becomes interested in you is the time when you should increase your options and start meeting other men. It’s not really a mind game, either. You should open your mind and determine IF you really want your crush anymore or if your feelings have changed since transforming yourself into the “new successful you.”

When you give someone else a chance you can determine (A) that you may prefer someone else entirely and lose interest in your “platonic friend”; or that (B) you love him now more than ever and meeting someone else just helped you realized that.

Meanwhile, now that he’s interested in you he will have to work harder to gain your attention. He is now chasing you, while you’re “oblivious” to him since you’re so busy with your professional life and meeting new people in your single life.

The pressure is on him and he knows he’ll have to do something dramatic. The idea that he “doesn’t have much time” and that he may soon lose you if he doesn’t step it up, will only help motivate him to take action.

It is always possible to get out of the friend zone—it’s just a matter of becoming the best version of yourself and letting him know just how much of a treasure you really are!

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Talk soon,

Matthew Coast

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About The Author

Matthew Coast

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