How to Get Him to Commit to You

Since society tends to frown on “dating coaching” (thinking of it as seduction or as something shameful that parents avoid discussing with their children), a lot of very important secrets are NEVER passed down.

Like the fact that women are usually the ones who make the first move in a relationship (believe it or not!) and that women are oftentimes the ones who get men to commit.

Say what? Maybe right now you’re thinking, “I thought rule #1 of dating was to NEVER pressure a guy to commit?”

Of course. But there’s a big difference between inducing a man to commit (through very subtle behavior that inflates his ego and builds upon his desire and obsession for you) and bullying him to commit—which no man likes, except maybe my friend Bubba who says, “My future wife better be OK with momma doing the laundry on Friday nights.”

The sad fact is that if you wait too long for a man to commit to you voluntarily, he may eventually take you for granted. If we’re talking months or even years, he may need a little help with motivation.

So how can you get him to move towards commitment WITHOUT actually pressuring him or weirding him out? Here are some safe and subtle ideas that rarely, if ever, backfire.

1. Don’t sleep with him.

I know what you’re thinking—well mom could have told me that! And yes, it is a bit unrealistic to think that a man can really go the distance and wait till you’re engaged to have sex. Probably not going to happen. At some point, you have to take that chance.

But this should emphasize that even if you do have sex before he falls in love with you, you still have to beware becoming a friend with benefits. Just like they told Han-Solo in Star Wars, “it’s a trap!”

Once he sees that he can have sex with you for free, he will lose interest in a serious romantic relationship. This is why you always have to make him work harder for sex (until there is a firm commitment) rather than sending the message that you’re under his sexual spell and will do anything he wants.

It’s especially important you avoid sex in the beginning months because players WILL take a hike. For those guys, there is easier “prey” out there and they will avoid you if they sense you’re going to make them wait. Force him to learn who you are. Then after the first sexual encounter, make him work doubly hard for the second. It only escalates until he commits.

2. Don’t be so quick to dump all your guy friends.

You don’t have to brazenly tell him that you have other offers—that wreaks of desperation. But you can SHOW him the same thing—and all it takes is not taking any particular action. Instead, just keep spending more time with your other guy friends. Let them take you out. Go to lunch with them more often.

This will make even a commitment-phobic man very jealous, because most guys don’t believe in platonic friendships. They will feel threatened and will probably confront you with their feelings—that they like you and that the two of you should be exclusive.

If he seems resentful, just play dumb. As in, “What’s the problem? Don’t you still talk to your girlfriends?” Get HIM to admit that he likes you and see if he’s willing to commit and back up his feelings with actions.

3. Spend more time associating yourself with FUN and less time worrying about the future.

Rather than work proactively, trying so hard to get the guy to like you, you ought to invest more time in simply having fun. Associating yourself with positive associations and building pleasant memories together is far more important than trying to convince him that you’re “something” or “somebody”. Be the type of woman that simply enjoys his company and wants to have together. You’re not trying to influence him or get something out of him.

Even if he doesn’t realize it at first, he will eventually learn that he has more minute-by-minute fun with you than he does with other women – other women who spend too much time trying getting a commitment out of him through pressure and nagging. In the end, he is going to follow his heart…and his heart always follows the most intense feelings and experiences—the memories of laughter, talking, and excellent conversation.

4. You don’t have to punish him for bad behavior…but you can let him know what bores you.

If a guy is still flirting with other women or breaking plans or keeping secrets, your first reaction is probably to yell, argue or guilt him into apologizing. It’s far more effective to simply get bored. Walk away. Stop treating him as if this is a serious date. Because obviously, if he’s not serious enough to focus ALL of his attention on you, he’s just not that exciting.

This is an important point to mention, because men who persist in overtly negative behavior in your presence are antagonizing you. They’re testing you to see whether you will tolerate being taken for granted or if you’re going to call them on it. A woman of class and self-respect WILL walk away, because she’s not interested in any man that gives her less than 100% of his full attention.

5. Talk about the future as if he’s not in it.

This technique works so much better than the old “Date someone else to make him jealous.” Because I’ll tell you right now, as a man, if I see you dating someone else instead of me, my first reaction is to be sad…and to wish you well in your new relationship. Sure, dating someone else and making him jealous may work…or it may explode in your face and cost you dearly.

This is why I suggest trying something a little more conservative. Simply talk about the future as if he’s not in it. This is a logical and yet emotional thing to do, because he hasn’t made a commitment towards you. Obviously, you’re not going to pressure him to commit. So there’s only one direction to move and that’s apart. The end of the relationship.

You’re telling him indirectly that you’re not waiting forever for him to express how he feels, but you ARE going to move on with your life—and you’re not bluffing. This is why it’s especially important to mention a future without him that you’re actually planning on doing.

So let him know if you’re thinking of moving out of state. Let him know if traveling to Europe is on your bucket list. Let him know if a great job offer comes from three cities over and it’s in your best interest to move. And then work towards that future. Because he must sense that you’re not just sending him idle threats. Once he calls your bluff he wins the upper hand.

What this does is let him know that, just like all things in life, a future with you is a limited time opportunity. If he still doesn’t move to commit, then this means he’s not ready. And you can’t force him to grow up to match your timeframe.

But if he is in love with you, or working towards that, rest assured he WILL make sure that he’s in your future. The very thought of a future without you will darken his world.

Remember to play all these “cards” only at the right time. Trying too many at once will feel like pressure. Spend most of your time together having fun and giving him the chance to emotionally bond through deep and long conversation. Sharing positive experiences really is the best way to motivate him to commit.

Once he realizes he how deep this bond is, he will feel the urgency of the relationship. And as we all know by now, men are almost always the first ones to “cave” and say “I Love You.”

Say This And Watch Him Stay By Your Side Forever…

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Then just use them on ANY man in your life…

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Maybe that cute guy you have a crush on…

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You can thank me later!

Talk soon,

Matthew Coast

P.S. You’ll be the first thing he thinks about in the morning…

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About The Author

Matthew Coast

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