Uh oh! It looks like you took a calculated risk and it didn’t quite pay off. Sure, he still likes you after he slept with you. But…he’s not exactly falling in love. He’s not acting all sweet, cutesy and making engagement plans. He may even seem strangely detached, cold or even a little too eager to disappear.
What gives?
Believe it or not, you’re probably worrying too much for nothing. There is a BIG difference between sleeping with a guy too soon and sleeping with him later, after dating a while, and not quite sure how he feels about you.
While some dating gurus might tell you that you should never sleep with a guy till you’re sure he’s gaga and in love, in the real world, that might be a bit too idealistic. The fact is that most men want to sample the sex before making a real decision as far as commitment goes, and why not? It makes sense. Why would you or anyone want to marry a partner who has a completely incompatible sex life than your own?
So it’s not necessary that you slept with him too soon…it’s more along the lines of, now that you have him intrigued by you, and now that you’ve given him the intimacy he craved, how can you KEEP his attention and not send him on his way to the next one night stand?
Here are five ways to increase his desire for intimacy and even, gulp, yes commitment!
1. Have a very good “bed side manner”.
Don’t be ashamed of what happened. Be glad and let your good spirits spread to him. Let him bask in the moment and feel happy that he earned such a great gift. Talk about him a little bit, if he wants to talk. Get him to share his feelings and thoughts, a little bit of himself beyond just the physical. It’s important for him to have only positive associations with the first time. The afterglow should be as good as the sex itself. No worries, no commitment from you, no clinginess. Talk about how enjoyable it was. Talk about your favorite things about him and the experience—his eyes, his power, his sexy personality—and so on. Flatter his ego but keep it very subtle and not gushing.
2. Immediately start thinking, “We’re moving too fast” and let him know that.
It’s very likely the guy will not run away and relocate to a new town just because the two of you had sex (unless the experience was just THAT bad!). It’s safe to assume he was very happy and satisfied with you…especially if you gave a little “extra” in effort to make this night special.
So his simple gut instinct? Let’s be friends with benefits. Nope. If you’re serious about an exclusive relationship with him, you have to get that thought out of his head immediately. You have your choice of playing hard-hearted cougar (who seduced him because she wanted a one night stand and nothing more) OR playing the honest woman who admits… “You know I do like you but I think we’re moving too fast. I think I slept with you too soon and I don’t like the way it makes me feel.”
You can also put your own spin on this angle, however you see fit, but the point is you are not interested in hooking up again because the “Status Quo” is NOT him earning it. In your mind, if he wants sex again, he has to earn it each and every time—by working hard for your attention and your approval.
3. Build the strong attraction by sending him two distinct messages: I want you, but you’re not good for me.
Both he and you will love the “chase” going on, which is the primary reason why you want to make him think this was just a one night stand. Send him a message that says, “I am resisting you. You’re a bad boy and you make me weak.” This 50 / 50 split of interest but resistance is what will make him work harder to get your attention—and yes, he may even do the unthinkable and talk about his REAL feelings for you.
4. Make an effort to stay busy…elsewhere.
Look if rPrince Charming is working hard for your attention, give him some. But make it a point to NOT be always available for him. Make other plans, hang out with friends and family, and keep busy in your career or side project. He must understand that he really IS a lucky guy. You are independent, successful and happy and don’t need him to complete your life. This tells him that you are worth chasing because even though you have plenty of other options, you really enjoy his company enough to schedule some time.
5. Let him feel emotionally vulnerable with you as you engage in deeper and more intimate conversation.
The real “catch” is actually not when you have sex for the first time. The real catch is when you help him feel safe in your presence—so much so that he starts confiding in you and showing his emotional vulnerability. In the beginning, resist saying anything about yourself. You stay a mystery while he starts confessing more secrets, and enjoying the open channel he has to express himself with you.
Eventually, he will be interested in learning more about you. At that point, you can start giving him tidbits of your feelings, personal life, and past, showing him that it’s okay to feel vulnerable, okay to trust, and okay to take this relationship to a deeper level.
THAT’S when he falls in love and that’s when he’s suddenly filled with courage and the desire for commitment. Sex is step one but it’s definitely not the “end” of the affair. Keep your wits, exercise restraint, and as always, make him chase you.
The Secret Words That Make His Heart Yours
Today I want to give you some words that you can tell your man that will make him want to give you the relationship you’ve always dreamed he’d have with you…
These words form something I call a “Love Frame” that make a man feel like it’s his mission in life to treat you like a queen.
If you’re struggling to get your man to “step up” and give you the romance you’ve always wanted, you need to watch this video right now…
Click here to watch the video <<
These words will work on him even if…
…your man is pulling away from you or ignoring you completely…
…you think you got intimate with him too soon…
…or you feel like your situation is hopeless…
Because once you understand it…
You’ll be able to trigger a flood of emotion throughout his body that melts away all resistance…
Making him see you as the perfect woman for him…
A woman that he wants to pursue, fight for, and be with from now until the end of time…
Click here to learn the words that make him yours <<
Talk soon,
Matthew Coast
P.S. Try out these seemingly innocent yet strangely powerful words on the man in your life and seem how quickly things change with him…
Making him feel more love for you, more of a connection to you, and more of a desire to please you than he’s ever felt for anyone before in his life.
Click here to discover the words now <<
Hi Matthew
Thank you for these words: “Believe it or not, you’re probably worrying too much for nothing.”
I think this is me…
I’m really trying to “play it cool” and not be the normal fall head over heels on the first date (although we have now had two and both times were physical)
I’m dying to know what he thinks of me and if he is going to maybe give this a chance.
He did say he does not just commit he likes to really check things out and then check it out again.
Bear in mind we are both in our 40’s
But I’m playing it cool.
Just giving it time, hoping my heart wont break.