How to Create a Committed, Lasting Relationship

If you’re looking for a committed, lasting relationship, there are a few things you need to do…

1. Find and Meet a Quality Man

Most people tend to want to skip this one. As much as you think that the completely broken and unavailable men you keep falling for would just be soooo great if only they… were healthy, quality, relationship oriented men in the first place!

Sure, there are a lot of broken men out there. But you dating and giving them everything they need in a relationship without them needing to actually commit to one… well, it doesn’t help their motivation to get it together and figure their lives out.

It would be faster, less painful, and a lot more rewarding for you to go out and find and meet a quality guy in the first place.

2. Make Sure He’s Emotionally Mature

If you’ve spent any amount of time dating someone only to find out he’s a total mess, you’re not alone in this one. And if you want to save yourself a lot of time, trouble, and frustration, you need to start looking for the tell-tale signs that the guy you met is a total mess before you get too involved with him.

A big problem that I constantly hear about is women who ignore all the red flags because of how they feel about a guy. If this is you… stop it! For all that is good and just in the world, pay attention to your intuition, listen to what everyone says about him, and back off the men who broken faster than a vegan would from a meatball sandwich!

And if you don’t know what to look for, find out. There are plenty of great resources out there available to anyone who looks for them on this subject (hint: I offer them).

When you date someone who is emotionally mature, it’s like the first time the sun comes out after weeks of rain… life begins again! There are plenty of emotionally mature and relationship oriented men out there.

When you find one of them, you’ll know it because you don’t have to worry about scaring him off by talking about relationships… you don’t need to hide your emotions from him… and he’ll help you grow and become a better version of yourself simply by being in a relationship with him.

3. Create Sexual Attraction and Intrigue

Some people think that you’ll just “know it” when you find the right guy… like Mr. cupid is going to come shoot you with the arrow of love and you’ll both fall deeply into a passionate romance with each other.

I don’t mean to be your sober dose of reality… oh, well… I guess I really do… this is VERY unlikely to happen. And most of the relationships that I see where both people are crazy infatuated with each other right off the bat… they tend to fall apart in the same way they came together… like a nuclear bomb going off.

This isn’t always the case. However, don’t expect it to happen. Its more likely that you’ll need to do some flirting, show some interest, and actively attract a guy that you’re into. And these skills can be learned.

Sure… guys have a type. And that’s VERY important. Anyone who tells you otherwise has a hidden agenda. Yet there’s something I think you need to know…

When I was a men’s dating coach, a common reason why a guy I was coaching would stop pursuing a woman was because of her lack of deliberately showing interest. A guy needs you to show him that you’re interested in him. He needs to feel like he’s sexually valuable to you.

If you don’t connect with him like this, he’ll either end up “just friends” with you or he’ll disappear because he didn’t want to pursue someone who wasn’t showing any interest.

And by learning how to flirt and make him want you, you can go from being a woman he kinda likes… to someone he absolutely must have in his life. And remember, this isn’t about pretending like you’re someone you’re not. In fact, it’s the opposite.

Think about it: When you learn how to drive a car… does that mean that when you’re driving a car you’re not being yourself? If you learn how to cook, does it mean that you’re not being yourself when you’re cooking?

Of course not!

Learning how to create sexual attraction is learning the skill of how to show off your personality in the MOST ATTRACTIVE way. You’re not pretending you’re someone you’re not. You’re giving the gift of your most attractive self.

And if you learn this skill, a guy will want to keep you around. A lot of the couples who break up end up stop attracting each other at some point. All of the ones I’ve seen who have had long-term, lasting relationships… they all know how to connect with each other and continually do it.

4. Develop a Committed Relationship

There are actually specific steps you can take if you want a guy to feel like you’re the most amazing woman in the world… a woman so valuable and special to him that he doesn’t ever want to let you go.

I’ve seen women use this on men who were players and turn them into love-sick puppy dogs. It all has to do with how well you align with him and his world.

If you can align the two of your lives together, he’ll feel like you’re his other half… his kindred spirit… his twin flame.

Again, this is a skill you can learn… and something you don’t want to leave up to chance. You can create the desire in him to want a committed relationship with you if you connect with him in the right way.

If you want to learn more about this, I talk about it in my email followup series. Make sure you subscribe to my email newsletter in order to get more information on this.

5. Be the Type of Woman He Wants to Keep

Now you may think… “Why do I need to create a committed relationship? It’s men who won’t commit!”

Well, let me give you another sober dose of reality here: No man… even and especially a mature, relationship oriented man is going to want to commit to someone who doesn’t have her own life together.

Men committing isn’t the problem. According to the US Census Bureau, 2.3 million men get married each year in the United States alone. If a guy isn’t committing to you, you may be a part of the problem.

I know that sounds harsh. But I’m not here to sugar coat the truth for you. And while that may sound really bad… it’s actually good news.

Why?

Because it means that you can do something about it. You see, if the problem was ONLY with guys, this would be a serious problem indeed. If guys were ALL commitment-phobic, it probably wouldn’t be worth pursuing commitment with them.

Maybe this will explain it better…

When I was a men’s dating coach, one of the biggest complaints that I received from the guys was this… “There aren’t any good women out there!”

And if you feel at all like you are having a problem finding good men, you know exactly how this feels. Men and women walking around meeting each other feeling like they’re never going to find the right person for them. That’s what MOST single people are walking around doing.

Yet it doesn’t have to be this way…

You can stand out from all the other women out there if you want to be exactly what a quality man is looking for. However, you need to focus on your growth and maturity as a woman. You need to be the type of woman who a mature, relationship oriented man would want to keep in his life.

Again, that doesn’t mean changing who you are. It means uncovering the best parts of yourself. And most of the time, the parts of yourself that are the most important to grow and develop are the least obvious to you.

If you want some clues… it means getting your life together… it means becoming an independent and mature woman… and then opening a space for a great guy to come into your life. No man wants to marry a mess. No guy wants to commit to someone who constantly acts jealous, doesn’t trust him, or isn’t willing to open up because of past trauma.

No great guy wants to get into a relationship with someone who he thinks is going to be dependent on him for everything. Quality men want women who don’t need them… women who only want to be in a relationship in order to enhance their lives.

There’s a very specific process that you can go through to make sure that you’re the type of woman that an amazing, quality man would want to commit himself to. We’ll talk more about this another time.

6. Live Happily Ever After

If you’ve done all the steps previous to this, living happily ever after shouldn’t be a problem at all. However, I want to make sure you’re aware of something before you ride off into the sunset with prince charming…

Conflicts happen in every good relationship. There is no such thing as a relationship with people who don’t ever disagree or argue about anything. And any relationship that could be like that would be a relationship that is either extremely boring or headed for certain disaster.

Conflict can be healthy. Living happily ever after isn’t as much about avoiding conflict as it is working together in order to create a healthy partnership that the two of you want to stay in.

It means supporting one another in whatever it is that you’re doing in life in the way that you want to be supported. It means taking responsibility for your role in the relationship that you’re in. It means appreciating one another and accepting each other as who you are without criticizing or condemning each other.

If you can do those seemingly simple (yet difficult in practice sometimes) things, you’ll be well on your way to living happily ever after. It might not look like the Disney fairy tales… but it will look like what it needs to look like in order to sustain a happy, healthy, loving relationship with the quality man that you have in your life.

What do you think of this blog post? Do you think you have control over how to create a committed, lasting relationship? Or do you think it will just happen when the time is right? Comment below and let me know what you think.

How to Create a Committed, Lasting Relationship

About The Author

Matthew Coast

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27 Comments

  • lee

    Reply Reply March 21, 2015

    Informative, and I need to put into praciise

  • Debbie

    Reply Reply March 21, 2015

    I think what you said is true that I have control over being able to create a committed lasting relationship but I also think it’s all about timing. Both parties have to be on the same page. I have met great men in the past but I wasn’t in a place to receive love because of past relationships. I’m working on that now

    • Matthew Coast

      Reply Reply July 28, 2015

      Very true… it is a lot about timing… and opening your heart to receive him when he comes. Let me know if you have any questions.

  • Denise

    Reply Reply March 22, 2015

    I have met the most amazing man who could complete me but unfortunately came at a time when he is in a really bad space…. I need to sit back, be patient and see what transpires – extremely difficult tho and I do enjoy reading your articles/blog

    • Matthew Coast

      Reply Reply July 28, 2015

      Watch out for hoping a guy will complete you. If you complete yourself first, then you’re more in a space to give to a relationship instead of trying only see how much you can get from it.

  • Ingrid

    Reply Reply March 22, 2015

    Love you blogs,I learned n learning a lot from them

  • petro

    Reply Reply March 22, 2015

    Very informative!

  • Joanne

    Reply Reply March 22, 2015

    I have already bought quite a bit of your advice and it is very good advice. I just need to get past step one… meeting a quality man in the first place. Great blog as usual.

    • Matthew Coast

      Reply Reply July 28, 2015

      Thanks, I’ll put together some more stuff about meeting men.

  • Siphokazi

    Reply Reply March 23, 2015

    I just spent my weekend for the first time with a guy I met a month ago and we’ve been dating over the phone, I was so nervous and I have tried my very best to practice all that I have learnt here. I think am now making a mistaking of overanalysing and I think I should stop. Thanks for this very informative advice, am learning a lot. Great blog!

  • melony

    Reply Reply May 20, 2015

    Agreed.. ive been doing this for quite a while now.. it is totally working.. all tho he is still taking it slow. I am ok with that. Cause its already exactly what I wanted. he moved me in to.his apartment building bought a car and lets me use it for work we spend all our free time together. He manages all the money. Cause I suck at it. He told me he loved me and kissed me for the first time after a 2 year friendship. I wotked hard . Anf loved every minute of it.. I thought id never get him. But I did by doing exactly that.. ridding my self of all negative things and focusing on everything positive about my self. I just want him to be proud of me. And offering all my time to him. And being ok with times he chose to something else. I just use that time to do something positive. Now he never denies me.And misses me while im at work. I finally found happiness.

  • Sandra,

    Reply Reply May 20, 2015

    Hi I think what you said is true,
    I am a women that’s independent and mautre but that seems to intimadate men, instead of attracting them, it makes them back off.
    I have a playful nature, I am not needy, and can stand my own ground,
    I am only 4 foot 8 men call me beautiful gorgeous and all the things that’s nice to hear,
    But I am still single, men show interest but the moment the know that I am independent work for myself can take care of myself!
    They back off, am I to independent ???
    WHAT AM I DOING WRONG ???

  • Ntabi

    Reply Reply May 25, 2015

    I am stil working at it.I agree there is sumthing am doing wrong but can’t identify it.I need a commited relationship,i wil put the advices into action.

  • Faith

    Reply Reply May 26, 2015

    Jst meet this guy March this year He never talk about his feelings I only knw if he is into me when idid sumthing to make him jealsy He only talk abt marriage and kids if I ask him abt hw he feels he jst say ithink you by nw that ilove you that’s it Do ijst ignore that and continue with him like this cz he speed most of his days with me

    • Matthew Coast

      Reply Reply June 6, 2015

      Hey Faith, what you need to find out is whether he’s looking to get married and have kids or not. If he isn’t, you’re wasting your time with him… if he is, then you can keep going. But it doesn’t matter how much time he spends with you if he doesn’t want to get married and have kids in the future and you do.

  • angelica

    Reply Reply May 27, 2015

    It has been great advice. I’ve always been independent. I tried out this theory and am happy to say that I’m the happiest that I have ever been with someone. Thanks

  • xolelwa

    Reply Reply May 28, 2015

    I learned a lot from this thank you

  • Katie

    Reply Reply May 11, 2016

    This was all very helpful and very insightful, I’m hoping to be able to put these tips into practice.
    How do you know if you “care too much”? I’m constantly being told I am so sweet, and that’s just the mentality I have but I don’t know when it is too much versus too little when it comes to building into a relationship.
    I can’t seem to get over the mountain and past the 4th date hurdle.
    Any suggestions?

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