Is there a way to stop your man from ever cheating on you?
How can you learn to trust again after a betrayal?
Here’s a question from a woman in our community to Felicity…
“Hi Felicity – I need some advice. I am in a great relationship, we’ve been going strong for about six months now. I am happy and in love, and he seems just as content. But the problem is my last boyfriend was a cheater. When I discovered his betrayal,
I was devastated. I even swore off love forever. Although, eventually I got tired of being single. And I met a really great guy (we were set up by my good friend, a co-worker of his). And even though my new guy is very different, and I love him very much, I’m still terrified he’s going to cheat on me, too.
Is there anything I can do to make sure he won’t stray from our relationship?”
Hi, thanks for the question!
Short of locking him in a shed and hiding the key (which doesn’t work very well, you’ll just have to trust me on this one), the harsh reality is NO, there’s no way to “make sure” that he won’t cheat.
And the fastest way to push him away (and possible make him feel like he wants to cheat) is to constantly worry about it.
Because your constant anxiety will come across in your communication. Basically, it tells him…
“I don’t trust you.”
And over time, he’ll feel that and it’ll begin to take a toll on your relationship.
In fact, it may even pull your relationship apart. He’ll begin to feel like you’re accusing him of being a cheater, making him feel guilty when he’s not.
This will only create resentment between the two of you and tear you apart from each other.
What Happens When You Assume He’ll Cheat
When I was a kid, my mom didn’t trust me to get into the Halloween candy when she bought it in early October.
So she hid it (and did a really bad job of it) from me. She would keep tabs on me, question me about it, and watch me closely.
Finally, I got so sick of feeling like a candy thief (for no good reason), that I climbed into the hall closet (where she hit it) and grabbed a big handful!
Obviously, this is quite a bit more serious than sneaking a few chocolate bars out of a basket but the principle is the same.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying he’s going to go cheat on you.
But if he feels like he’s paying the price for a crime he didn’t commit, it may end up encouraging him to do it.
Here’s My Suggestion
Look, it sounds like you’re still processing some things from your last relationship.
If you need to work on it still, a therapist or a counselor might be a great option for you to get through your feelings of betrayal from a past partner.
And there are a ton of great books out there that can walk you through the steps of healing and learning to trust again.
I have two suggestions:
First, give your boyfriend the benefit of the doubt. If he doesn’t give you any reason to distrust him, you have to stop worrying about it, for the sake of him, you, and your relationship.
Don’t ignore red flags, it is possible that he could cheat on you. And it would suck pretty badly if it happened.
The good news is that you’ll survive just like you did before.
Trust him but don’t ignore red flags.
Suggestion #2: Build the emotional and physical connection between you two.
Take a proactive approach to deepening the level of intimacy between you and your man.
While you can’t ever completely “cheat-proof” your relationship, when both partners are feeling really connected to one another, the chance of his eyes wandering go way down.
When you’re having a great time in the bedroom, you’re too focused on each other to feel the need to look for that connection somewhere else.
If you want some more tips on how to deepen your level of intimacy and give you both an awesome, deeply emotional sex life…
To get a man to be focused on you and only you (so he can’t even *think* about other women and so he craves and desires you constantly all you have to do is _____________.
Can you fill in the blank?
Find out in the video below: