5 Things Confident People Do Differently in Dating and Relationships

Is it true that people who are shy and introverted are naturally disadvantaged when it comes to dating and relationships?

Maybe you wonder this because you’re shy, or because a guy you like seems to be a little shy and not as outgoing as other men. Or maybe you like a guy who is confident, but you’re trying to determine if it’s all just an “act” to get you into bed.

Of course, there are many misconceptions about what “confident” or people with high self-esteem behave like in relationships and during courtship.

Most men that are self-confident are not narcissistic. Yet, society seems to associate a narcissistic and charming personality with a “confident man.”

That’s not true. Confident men do not necessarily rely on techniques of narcissists, such as:

1. Supreme arrogance in their own abilities.
2. Joking about how beautiful and sexy they are
3. Suggesting that the woman is the one seducing them
4. Putting on false charm and faking interest in hopes of a one night stand
5. Using other “player” techniques such as hypnotic suggestion and “neg-hitting”

And so on.

Men who are self-confident really have no need to seduce or feign interest in a woman. They are content in who they are and it shows in the respectful way they deal with others.

This does NOT mean that self-confident men are “perfect gentleman”. Sure, self-confident men do like to tease, flirt, and be playful with women on a date. A sense of humor and good conversation has nothing to do with confidence.

Instead, here are the things that confident men (or women) actually do when it comes to dating. And these are neither good or bad, fair or unfair. They are simply characteristic behavior of men with a high level of confidence. And they are opposite behavior than men who are shy or have low self-esteem.

1. Confident men take more chances.

A confident man doesn’t overanalyze dating circumstances. He doesn’t worry about perfect timing or about whether she likes him, or what she’s thinking. He’s curious about her and so he just goes to meet her. He might even assume that she will like him because he’s a nice, likable and funny guy.

He doesn’t necessarily know he’s going to sleep with her, as a narcissist might determine. He simply believes in himself. He knows that he is worthy of love and affection and doesn’t suffer from an inferiority complex.

2. Confident men understand that some relationships just don’t work – it’s no one’s fault.

Confident men do not overanalyze a relationship and try to determine what they did wrong, OR blame the woman for messing everything up. They simply accept that the relationship wasn’t working. Both partners were incompatible and it doesn’t necessarily make them evil or selfish or at fault. He still has love for himself and for his ex. His self-confidence allows him to view the relationship objectively and not with any neurotic emphasis on himself.

3. Confident men set boundaries, physically and emotionally.

And this is sometimes the behavior that offends women with lower self-esteem. Self-confident men don’t “accidentally” fall in love. They determine in advance what they want, what they’re looking for and what their limits are.

They might take a chance on meeting a new woman (and maybe even having sex with her, if that’s what she wants). However, if she crosses the boundaries he sets, he will lose respect for her and want out of the relationship.

He will not assume responsibility for someone else’s needs. It’s not his job to save a woman or make her a better person. It’s not his job to tolerate the negative behavior he sees in her just because he’s already involved with her. He would rather leave the relationship than stay unhappy.

While this may strike some as cold behavior, it’s simply self-preservation. He wants to be happy and so he pursues happiness – not stress.

4. He accepts responsibility for what’s happened and what he does. He doesn’t show off or brag.

Men who are self-confident and have nothing to prove usually don’t brag. They’re just honest. He knows what he’s done and what he has so he has no need to overcompensate by SHOWING you how great he is.

He also accepts responsibility for his own mistakes and for things that are under his control. This is in contrast to narcissistic behavior.

A narcissist will never accept responsibility for his error. He will convince you that it’s your fault and that there’s something wrong with you – regardless of what actually happened. They are so over the top “confident” they refuse to take responsibility for anything.

A real man is “man enough” to admit if he made a mistake. Even if he wants out of the relationship, he will avoid being nasty or mean-spirited during the breakup.

5. Confident men don’t need to “change” the relationship to flatter their own ego. They feel secure in the way it is.

A confident person is secure in himself and in the relationship he’s found. This is oftentimes why self-confident men take a little longer to reach an engagement-marriage state of mind. He likes things the way they are. He doesn’t feel the need to change you, nor does he want you to change the relationship and pressure him to marry.

The challenge in getting him to want marriage with you, is to become his emotional confidant. You want him to trust you more than anyone else and become emotionally vulnerable with you. Being confident in your own right, and not demanding to change him or change the nature of the relationship he’s happy with, will help you to ease him along to the point of commitment.

As you can see, confidence only helps a person become a better version of himself.

The same applies to women, as it does for men. You can better communicate with a self-confident man if YOU are confident in your own value.

It may help to get busier in life, with career or with a personal mission. When you realize your own self-worth, and he is content in himself, that’s when you have two strong, independent people who get together and have a peaceful relationship based on mutual respect.

About The Author

Matthew Coast

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