Friends with benefits seems like such an easy and attractive deal, right? They sure made it look easy on Seinfeld and Friends. You just have all the sex you want, respect each other, make it clear that there is no romance, and go about living your life.
It’s a form of safer sex (as opposed to sleeping with a stranger), easy sex (who cares about chasing?) and a very “adult” thing to do, since you can handle all these complex emotions pretty well.
BUT we got news for you. It’s not as easy as you think. Not as easy as they make it sounds, and certainly not the “no money down!” great offer that it seems like. Friends with benefits is sort of like a mix between friendship and romance but it’s just as volatile as a romantic relationship. Play your cards wrong and you could end up hating each other in no time!
If you’re determined to see this through proceed cautiously and start by memorizing these five golden rules.
1. Treat this like a one night stand—don’t screw where you eat!
Probably the most common mistake FWB newcomers make is that they choose the worst partner possible in terms of logistics. They choose a neighbor. A co-worker. Their buddy’s ex-girlfriend. Somebody married, somebody they see every single day.
In simple words, DRAMA! All of these scenarios are just asking for trouble because of the drama you’re inviting into your life. Rule number one, if you want to have casual sex without guilt, without emotional pain and without horrible consequences (the kind they teach you about in church!) then avoid sleeping with people you already know.
I know, that does that kind of take the kink out of it, right? As we often talk about emotional connection is the key to eroticism. But if you ask most people who have tried it, they almost always tell you that sleeping with their best friend’s ex, or your boss, or your next door neighbor’s husband, is bad news. It’s a lot of kinky fun…until it explodes and unleashes a tidal wave of drama.
Therefore the best person to choose for such a relationship is someone that you don’t know and that, you know, isn’t within one mile of the place you sleep. Less drama, twice the sex. Try it next time, rather than chasing what you know is a bad idea.
2. Stop analyzing the relationship. There IS NO relationship. This is all it is.
Too many casual sex partners make the mistake of slowly, gradually, kind of sort of developing real feelings for their F-buddy. It’s always a mistake. Yeah, once in a while two friends are able to go from casual sex to real romance but it’s very difficult to pull off in real life.
What usually happens is that one partner develops feelings for the other and the relationship slowly transforms from fun and carefree to something painful and traumatic. If you’re going to enter into a casual relationship, and you accept that there is no future, then stick to your promise. The promise that you make to yourself—you’re not going to fall in love. You’re not going to overanalyze what your sex partner says or does, as if you’re thinking of dating. No future, just fun.
3. Don’t treat your friend with benefits like an actual friend OR a date.
Frankly, this is the kind of relationship you should keep to yourself. Introducing this person you’re randomly snogging (or shall we say, whom you’re doing all these sexy, dirty things to) to your family is a no-go. This is only going to confuse your poor mom and dad and annoy your FWB.
It’s not even a good idea to combine the world of your FWB and your girlfriends or other guy friends. People really can’t handle the idea of you having a sex friend that you’re not serious about. Once again, minimize the drama and don’t barge into your FWB’s life, nor should you try to force them into your life. Some worlds are better left separate.
4. Avoid treating them TOO MUCH like a friend.
Another pitfall of FWB relationships is when you try to make rules and yet hold your partner to a high standard of etiquette. Don’t do it. Don’t play games with them and expect them to do something, when you’re also sending mixed messages. Don’t feel obligated to sleep over. Don’t let your partner treat you like a therapist—nor should you treat them like one.
Maybe you can do that to your friends but your sex buddy is not a “friend” in the traditional sense. Trying to turn your casual affair (even if it is recurring and emotionally intimate) into a friendship of mutual love and respect is exactly the point where things get tricky. It’s okay to watch a movie together or go out to dinner.
But are you unloading personal baggage on them and expecting them to console you? Are you relying too much on them emotionally or materially? Treat them less like a buddy and more like a one night stand you just happen to see again and again. Too much intimate sharing beyond sex is often a recipe for disaster.
5. Be mature about ending the relationship.
Expect that this relationship will some day end. You may meet someone you really love or they might—and both of you must handle this end amicably and maturely. Don’t be nasty about it and try to guilt them into staying with you OR try to elevate this FWB relationship into a love affair. It’s not. It was never intended to be.
If you’re OK but worrying about how your FWB will take the end of the affair, then start letting them know well in advance that this relationship is finite and that you DON’T want to lead them on, thinking there’s a future. Don’t “surprise” them with the good news. Don’t just drop a bomb about your engagement right after you have sex. Have some class and let them know that this relationship is going to end soon. Let them prepare for it. And always, with respect!
Friends with benefits is a no win situation romantically, but it can be fun if the two of you understand what’s involved in a sexual but non-intimate friendship.
Words That Make Him Miss You (And Obsessively Think About You All Day Long)
Today I want to give you some words that you can tell your man that will make him want to give you the relationship you’ve always dreamed he’d have with you…
These words form something I call a “Love Frame” that make a man feel like it’s his mission in life to treat you like a queen.
If you’re struggling to get your man to “step up” and give you the romance you’ve always wanted, you need to watch this video right now…
Click here to watch the video <<
These words will work on him even if…
…your man is pulling away from you or ignoring you completely…
…you think you got intimate with him too soon…
…or you feel like your situation is hopeless…
Because once you understand it…
You’ll be able to trigger a flood of emotion throughout his body that melts away all resistance…
Making him see you as the perfect woman for him…
A woman that he wants to pursue, fight for, and be with from now until the end of time…
Click here to learn the words that make him yours <<
Talk soon,
Matthew Coast
P.S. Try out these seemingly innocent yet strangely powerful words on the man in your life and seem how quickly things change with him…
Making him feel more love for you, more of a connection to you, and more of a desire to please you than he’s ever felt for anyone before in his life.
Click here to discover the words now <<
