As you may have noticed, the dating scene has changed dramatically over the last 20… or even 10 years.
I remember the first time a friend of mine tried online dating, way back when it was considered something only someone desperate would do.
And even though many of my friends looked down on it, I thought it was marvelous that she could meet someone this way.
Online dating was a new and exciting way to meet a like-minded partner, someone who you’d probably normally never meet. Fast-forward 10 years and now online dating has pretty much become the norm, with most couples happy to admit that they met the love of their life online.
In fact, a Pew Research Center study from last year shows that 5% of committed relationships and marriages in the US started online. Another study run by eHarmony states that 1 in 3 marriages in the US begin online.
That’s pretty amazing, huh?
So why are there so many men and women still single and looking for their love match, when technology is supposed to make it easier than ever to meet someone?
Here’s the truth…
There are a lot of upsides that come with online dating… but there’s a downside to it that not only impacts online daters, it also impacts men and women who want to meet their significant other the more traditional way.
There are three big reasons why finding love seems to be getting harder. Here they are:
3. And fantasy (otherwise known as delusion)!
These are the three ingredients for why so many women feel like every man they meet, and actually like, keeps disappearing on them…
Even when they thought they had a real connection, it seems that something always happens that makes the man pull away, leaving the woman second guessing herself and feeling disheartened (over and over again).
Let me explain why each of these is such a problem:
Not only do you have more opportunities to meet more men, but you’ve also got more choices of potential partners than ever before.
Here’s the thing… studies have shown that having too many options doesn’t actually lead us to making better choices, it just makes us overwhelmed and confused.
You may have experienced this getting ready to go out – too many outfit choices cause you to spend hours getting ready (you know who you are), but if you only had one or two choices then it would be easier and quicker to choose what looks best.
When you can easily communicate with and meet as many men as you like, you can become picky. You end up paralyzed, incapable of deciding who’s the best match for you and potentially never getting together with any of them.
And it’s the same for men.
While there are more opportunities to meet more men, there are also more opportunities for men to meet women. There’s more competition than ever, not just among men but among women as well.
Dating has become a smorgasbord of choices and, well, we’re all human, after all, so this smorgasbord is making us greedy.
This greed then leads to heightened expectations and it becomes increasingly difficult to stand out among your “competitors.”
I was talking to a guy friend of mine the other day and he said, “My problem isn’t meeting women. My problem is that I’m a 5 and I only like 10’s.”
We all have our strengths and weaknesses, our little quirks and habits that make us unique. And it’s becoming harder and harder to stand out and express what really makes us awesome among all the competition out there.
It has become really difficult to attract the attention of just one man, just as it has become really difficult to focus your own attention on one man.
But there is one more factor that may prevent you from finding your match…
We all have our fantasy about what love and relationships should look like despite our better judgement.
You may end up seeking perfection even though you know there is no such thing as a perfectly flawless man.
These fantasies are fed by the huge number of dating opportunities and tougher competition causing many women with good intentions to pass up on great men in favor of trying to fulfill this fantasy with a man riddled with red flags and will never live up the expectation.
And this is a delusion that well keep you from love.
(If you’re ready to break this crazy cycle, click here to watch this video)
So what can you do to find love in this complicated dating environment? Here are a few tips you can use:
Get to know yourself better.
Getting to know what you like, what you want, and what makes you happy is a very necessary first step to a happy dating life and to finding your life partner.
The better you know what you want, the easier it will be for you to wade through the sea of men online and find a great one, instead of falling victim to the mental paralysis that causes you to be unable to pick a great guy.
The many dating opportunities may be a mixed blessing but a blessing it still is, don’t forget that.
Just as you get confused about the men you meet, the guys feel the same, so don’t take something that looks like rejection as a personal representation of you.
Also, you can afford not to settle for someone that you’re not really into – you’ve just got to dust yourself off and keep going.
Don’t be afraid you won’t get a better shot at finding a truly intimate, fulfilling relationship, you will as long as you’re realistic and resilient.
Engage in real life.
Online dating is great but there is nothing like actual face-to-face contact. Even video chats cannot give you this sense of direct communication, this opportunity to really get to know the person you’re interested in and is interested in you.
Real life, direct contact can help you see much more clearly whether the man who’s piqued your interest online is indeed the man who you can fall in love with.
Second to that, get out of your house and meet more people in general – do not rely on online dating, instead live your life with passion!
Be bold, invite and approach.
If you don’t know this, a lot of men are freaked out about approaching women. Any guy who’s approached women knows how bad things can go if you approach a woman who doesn’t want to be approached.
So if you want a guy to approach you, invite him over with your eyes or a smile. And if you can’t seem to make eye contact, try approaching him.
Most guys feels like they’ve won the lottery when a woman approaches them. Unfortunately, a lot women are still being held back by social conventions that have no place in the 21st century.
Be bold and push aside your fears and archaic social conditioning and approach the man you’re interested in – instead of waiting for him to approach you. Imagine that maybe he’s shy or slightly intimidated by you.
Or he just hasn’t had the chance to fully notice you. Why not give him this chance? Men like confident women above everything else. Show him your sparkle and watch him gravitate towards you.
Having faith in love is the one thing you need to attract the love you want, your confidence and self-belief cannot be ignored either, because loving you will make you stand out in the crowd and will erase all unrealistic expectations – because confident people are also realistic people, which makes them resilient.
The woman who finds the love she wants stays open to love, even when it feels difficult to do so.
Do you want to know how to get the attention and affection from the man you want that lasts a lifetime? Then have a look at this:
P.S. If you’re tired of feeling like all you attract is bad boys or men who won’t commit, you need to watch this BRILLIANT presentation from Nadine Piat…